If you’re a woman, chances are you were raised up from a precious little seedling to believe that having a baby in your belly is the ultimate goal for you and your fellow females. Not that that was the only option presented to you, at least not in the last few generations, but it’s definitely still on the menu and moreover, it is pretty engrained into us that we really should want it.
Granted, it is biologically kinda the apex of what women as beings were made for. We’re built for it. But nature be damned, for once! We were also programmed with a tricky little devil called “free will”. And below are 10 unapologetic reasons why the new choice for feisty females everywhere might just be to not reproduce.
10 - Babies smell
Yes, they do.
9 - Babies wake up at all kinds of crazy hours of the night.
This gets in the way of sexing and sleeping, two of the most important nocturnal activities I can think of. Why would you willingly commit yourself to a tiny person who you already know is going to get in the way of those things?
8. In that same vein, babies aren’t sexy.
They’re just…not. They spit up, and poop and cry and need you pretty much all the time. Think you and Baby Daddy are going to be closer together because of the whole baby-bearing experience? Well, maybe, but don’t think for a second that you’re going to be sexually supercharged anytime soon.
7. They make traveling a bitch.
Seriously, no one loves a baby on a plane. One poopy diaper and suddenly you’re the plane pariah who stunk up the whole place. More than that, having a baby friend is going to drastically slow down the whirlwind pace of any jetsetter. Throwing caution to the wind gets more difficult when you have an armful of offspring.
6. You’re permanently attached to their other parent.
I don’t mean to sound harsh but get real: how many marriages end in divorce now? Even if you’re not married, you can still break up. Love comes in and goes out and marriages are paper. That’s easily dealt with if you decide you no longer want to make kissy face with that person.
Children on the other hand…yeah, even if you aren’t with that person, they’re going to be in your life pretty much forever if you decide to have a kid with them.
5. Stretch marks.
That’s all I’m sayin’.
4. The world is severely overpopulated.
This is truth. We are depleting our resources and I don’t care what any spawn-happy crazy person says about how humans are “meant” to keep populating at this rate. The reality is, slowing down and making fewer new people would be a really sweet thing to do for our planet.
3. You don’t have time for a kid.
You’re not a bad person; if you were to actually do the whole baby thing, you would certainly make that child your whole world and do everything for them. But do you want your whole life to be about doing for someone else? Hell no! You have a career, hilarious friends, a desire to run around the globe (twice, maybe) and a bangin’ sex life. Why, oh why, would you slow down in exchange for diapers and daycare?
2. Childbirth hurts.
Holy hell, does it hurt. And your vagina will never be the same.
1. Kids are expensive.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve wanted to hide my Louboutin’s in shame while listening to child-ridden friends recount the fiscal woes of parenthood. They are going to cost you a lot from the day they are born until, well, forever. That’s just how it is.
