If you're a woman here at Datepad (or you visit other free internet dating sites), it's probably because you're determined to find somebody in your life who will make you happy. You want to meet that perfect guy, make a commitment, and start a life with them (and have a lot of fun while you're at it, of course!). Deep inside, you know what you want in your life, and you feel like your ready to go after it and grab it with both hands.
But just because your heart is ready doesn't mean there aren't a few little voices in there that are afraid of you getting what you want. And sometimes, those little voices speak up and sabotage the good things you have going in your life. Like your relationships. This kind of thing happens to all of us at some time-- and the first step in putting a stop to it is understanding what we do to undermine our romantic relationships, and why.
Mistakes Women Make
1. You're insecure about your body.
A man doesn't start dating a woman if he doesn't want to-- so you know that your guy is with you because he wants you. Because he's attracted to you. But still, if you have insecurity issues about your body, it's hard to set them aside just because the logical part of your brain tells you he likes the way you look. Insecurity runs deep. And because body issues hamper real sexual intimacy, they are one of the most common things to undermine a woman's romantic relationships. It's important to take time to figure out why you feel like you do about your body. But in the meantime, you need to remind yourself that your insecurities are about how you feel about your body-- not about how he does.
2. You let your past relationships get in the way.
Everybody you run into on an internet dating site or in a bar or at a parents' group has had their romantic pains and hurts. We've all been hurt. But too many women tend to blame their current partners for the things their previous partners did wrong-- even if they don't do it intentionally. It's easy to get hurt or upset about something your current boyfriend does when it reminds you of something your last boyfriend did. But you have to keep reminding yourself that your boyfriend isn't responsible in any way for your past hurts... and that you should take the time to analyze them in a healthy way instead of letting them poison your otherwise-healthy relationship.
3. You don't give guys a break.
Men and women are very different creatures. And sometimes your guy just isn't going to behave the way you'd like him to (which is actually part of the fun). Whether from a bad mood, honest feeling, or just a desire to control, many women are harder on their mates than they should be. When something close to your heart comes up, of course you should talk to him about it. But you also need to pick your battles-- and try to avoid picking on your man. Before you criticize or blame him for something, ask yourself, "is getting my way on this important enough to hurt him now, or to ruin this nice moment?" More often than not --especially when the issue is about how well his shoes match his clothes or his manners at the dinner table-- the answer is going to be no.
4. You're snappish.
No woman wants to think of herself as a shrew or a harpy. But unfortunately, many of us display those sorts of behaviors even if we think it's against our nature. Sometimes it's easy to let your emotions run away with you, and you react to your feelings in ways that aren't really proportionate to the crime (so to speak). And this is something that men hate-- and something that can turn them off more quickly than switching off the television.
Snappishness is often a sign of controlling behavior and insecurity. And while you may sometimes feel angry and "shrewish" because you can't control everything he does, you create exactly the opposite reaction to the one you're looking for-- you make him want to get away from you rather than do what you ask.
5. You don't give him credit.
Some men have a hard time being in a relationship. Especially if he's used to being independent and on his own, it may be that he's making sacrifices in order to be in a relationship with you. Just as you expect him to acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifices you make for him, you should acknowledge and appreciate what he does for you. For men, a kind touch and a word of appreciation can go a long way towards making a guy happy. So instead of trying to compare who does most in your relationship ("I'm always the one who has to wash the laundry," "You never walk the dog.") appreciate what he does do for you. You may just find that your relationship has more give and take than you thought.
Girl50andonehalf
51 / Female
Comments: 1
Posted on May 9, 2009, 12:59 am
My goodness. There is so much truth in this. However, for a woman who has been on her own raising two boys, fighting for custody and property,It's a bit difficult to let go of all control. I've found it very difficult to not be in control after doing it for so long. I think I may have finally made a breakthrough and have started to relax and enjoy the attention. Self esteem is a huge issue for us girls, but I know there is someone out there. In the mean time, I'm just going to have fun!
