We all like to think we live and learn. We make mistakes, we make bad choices, and as time passes we learn to do better. Fortunately, this is mostly true! But it's also a sad fact that some lessons are harder to learn than others. Especially when it comes to relationships. Some things we do wrong in relationships are so deeply ingrained within us, it's nearly impossible to get rid of them. Particularly if we don't even know we're doing them.
Worry that some of your biggest mistakes will follow you into your next relationship? Read on for some of the big relationship mistakes most of us tend to make over and over again.
1. Blaming your current partner for your ex's mistakes.
If you thought you were in a wonderful, committed relationship with your ex-partner, only to discover he (or she) had met and wooed four other women through internet dating sites, you're probably carrying some baggage around. And while it makes sense to be cautious with your next relationship, it's unhealthy and counterproductive to take your lingering hurt out on your new partner. "All men," or "all women," didn't do anything-- including your current partner. It's your ex that did those things; so don't take your hurt out on the person you're dating now.
2. Holding out for perfection.
Romantic comedies and Danielle Steele have given a lot of people an unrealistic vision of what love is. And so we keep this idea of a "perfect love" or a "perfect relationship" in a little cage in our minds; and we decide not to settle for anything less. Unfortunately, though, "everything" is less. There's no such thing as the perfect partner, the perfect relationship, or the perfect love. So while you don't want to settle for somebody you aren't crazy about, you shouldn't hold out for perfection, either. If you do, you'll be holding on forever. If you want to find love, you have to learn to take a chance on the people you date, flaws and all. And hope they do the same for you.
3. Thinking a breakup means losing your last chance.
So, Mr. or Ms. Internet Dating Prowler broke your heart. And aside from the fact that they cheated on you and treated you with zero respect, they were perfect in every way. And so you're sure you'll never get over them, never move on, and never have a chance at love again.
Why, though most of us go through this same cycle time and time again, do we believe this story when we tell it to ourselves? The truth is, you will get over your ex and you will find love again. It happens every time. Don't believe the hype your hurt heart tries to sell you. Let yourself move on.
4. Thinking that "hard" means "bad."
You know how it goes. The relationship starts out perfect-- all kisses and butterflies and rainbows. Then you start to argue. Things get hard. You don't want to be around each other as much. And you begin to wonder if you belong together at all.
The truth is, relationships are a lot of work. And, unfortunately, many of us have a tendency to want to bail out of them when things get hard. But you have to remember that your relationship will always get hard. Relationships are never easy and they always require work. Just because your relationship gets difficult doesn't mean it's gone bad. Work at it and give it a chance. If you don't expect to do any work, you'll never get any relationships off the ground.
5. Avoiding the unhappy facts.
One of the most common things to bring an end to a relationship is a lack of communication. When things get difficult in your relationship, the quickest way to kill it is to pretend everything between you is fine. If you don't talk things out, you'll never get over the hard parts in your relationship. Communication is what strengthens you as a couple. When you pretend there isn't a problem, that problem tends to grow, grow, and grow until it's the only thing you have left between you. Don't let that happen. Talk it out.
6. Turning small problems into big ones.
We all have issues and baggage that we carry with us from relationship to relationship. And those issues have a tendency to look for something to focus on. Women in particular have a penchant for displacing in their relationships; to turn small problems into big ones. Just because he doesn't vacuum the floor doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or respect you as a person. When talking to him about it, focus on what the real problem is instead of widening it to include your whole relationship. Believe me, your man will thank you for it.
Irishlass81
27 / Female
Comments: 5
Posted on July 22, 2009, 2:23 am
Comparing your current partners faults with your ex's attributes should be up there too.
