Whether doing live dating or free internet dating, your self confidence is one of your most important tools for getting and keeping a date. The truth is, if you think you're wonderful, others probably will, too. Both for women and men, speaking and acting with confidence is attractive on many levels-- and not all of them are conscious ones.
It may seem strange, but in the end the confident dater will have more success than the good-looking dater with low self-esteem. Confidence goes a very long way. Unfortunately, though, not all of us were blessed with plenty of self-confidence. And whether you're looking to get a new job or meet your soul mate on an internet dating site, your lack of self confidence is probably getting in your way.
Want to be more confident? Read on for seven effective ways to boost your self confidence.
1. Pay attention to what you tell yourself.
There's a reason self confidence starts with "self." How you feel about yourself is all about you. Others can't really have an effect on your confidence unless you let them. And usually, it's you doing the damage rather than the people around you. When something in your life goes wrong, whether it is a small thing or a large one, listen to what you tell yourself about it. Do you blame or berate yourself for what goes wrong (or what you imagine has gone wrong)? You probably do, right? There's nothing you can do about these types of thoughts appearing, but you can do something about their effect on your confidence. Listen to what you're telling yourself, and take the time to tell yourself something more positive in its place.
2. Remember why you're wonderful.
When you have low self-confidence, it can be easy to focus on your negative aspects. Don't let yourself do this! Instead, sit down occasionally --and whenever you're feeling particularly down on yourself-- and make a list of the reasons why you deserve respect (both from yourself and others). When you do something well or think positively, make a note of it, and jot it down in your favor. The more you focus on what you do right, the less negative you'll feel about what you do wrong.
3. Push yourself.
Self confidence is as much about what you do as what you tell yourself. The more you practice getting out of your comfort zone --and seeing that you're successful-- the more confident you'll get. And the wider that comfort zone will become. Every once in awhile (or even better, every day) decide on something you want to work on. Shy to talk to new people? Take a deep breath and start up a conversation in the elevator on the way to work. Doing this will both give you practice in an area that you need it, and give you the confidence to do even better next time. You can start small if you want to-- just be sure that you start.
4. Look good.
It's unfortunate but true: first impressions are generally more about looks than anything else. If you look good --and if you feel like you look good-- you're bound to be more confident than if you don't. And when you look good, people will respond to you more positively, which will in turn give you more confidence. It's a cycle that will just build and build. You don't need to be a beauty queen or a body builder to make a great impression and build your confidence. Just take care of yourself, try to get in shape, and pay attention to your hygiene and what you wear. It can make all the difference. And, as a bonus, you can take some great new photos to put up on your internet dating profile.
5. Don't expect perfection.
You can't please everybody all the time-- and there will always be somebody out there that doesn't like you, or that judges you, or that rejects you. You need to get used to this idea, and not allow rejection to affect your self-confidence.
6. Know what you need to improve.
Knowing that you're taking steps to better yourself as a person can do wonders for your self-confidence. Is there something you feel you should learn, or areas in which you could improve? Choose a couple of these things at a time and then take the necessary steps to improve them, whether it be losing weight, getting over your Daddy issues, or learning to speak a new language.
7. Fake it.
Even when you work hard, improved self-confidence doesn't come quickly. The best way to speed up the process? Fake it. Sit back and relax in your seat, don't fidget, make eye contact, and smile. The more confident you appear --even if you're squirming with discomfort inside-- the more positively people will react to you. And the more positively people react to you, to more confident you'll be. Faking a bit of confidence helps to feed this cycle.
