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Most of us are afraid, on some level, of being hurt in our romantic relationships. For the majority of people, that simply leads to a bit of extra caution or an occasional mistrustful moment. But for commitment phobes, that "knee jerk" reaction can be a lot worse. A commitment phobe's fear of making a bad romantic decision can keep him or her from being able to commit to a long term relationship at all.

Even though being in a relationship with a commitment phobe can be painful, it's important to understand that commitment phobia isn't malicious, and it's not about you. It's a double-edged sword; commitment phobes avoid anything that ties them down, yet secretly yearn to create the connections and relationships that others have. They simply have a difficult time allowing themselves to do so.

Men have a reputation for being more commitment-phobic than women, but the truth is, both men and women can be commitment-phobic; it’s not gender specific., Read on for eight ways to spot commitment phobia in somebody you're dating... or in yourself.

1. They Say "Someday"

Commitment phobes have a difficult time making concrete long-term plans, and talk about the future in vague terms.

2. They Move Quickly

Many commitment phobes move the relationship along more quickly than you might expect. Because they do yearn for a connection, they may pursue you if they believe they're interested. Once they get you, they generally allow the relationship to fizzle.

3. They Don't Know What They Want

The problem with commitment phobes is that they actually want the very thing they're afraid of. So they tend to be unable to end a relationship, even if they're afraid to commit. A severe commitment phobe will be hot and cold and difficult to pin down. They love you when you're away, but get scared when you're with them.

4. They Commit Sabotage

Even when a relationship is going really well, commitment phobes tend to sabotage it in order to find a way out. They may get scared and cheat, or run away and not call, or find another way to encourage their partner to break up with them in order to avoid a real commitment.

5. They Have Big Past Hurts

Commitment phobia isn't something that people are simply born with (at least, not generally). Instead, it comes from what they've seen and experienced in life. If somebody you're dating was badly hurt by somebody they trusted or spent a childhood exposed to unhealthy or abusive relationships, commitment phobia may be a natural result.

6. They Find Unsuitable Partners

Somebody who is commitment phobic may tend to date people who fulfill none of their expectations or wishes for a long term partner in order to have a guilt-free excuse not to commit.

7. They Don't Have "Things"

Somebody who is severely commitment phobic may find their phobia running over into other parts of their lives. These people may not be able to commit even to long-term possessions, such as a home or a car.

8. They Have Negative Views of the Opposite Sex

Keep your ears open for negative comments about the opposite sex. Commitment-phobic women are the ones who say things like, "all men cheat," or "all guys are jerks." Commitment-phobic men will say things like "all women are only after your money," or "women just can't be trusted."

While dating a commitment phobe is possible, it can be difficult. If you think somebody you're dating (or yourself) has commitment issues, you may want to address them with your partner. For many, just knowing about their commitment phobia is a big step in changing it. The more aware you, or your partner, are of the issues that created the problem in the first place, the easier it will be to change.

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