There's a reason why so many shy people flock to Datepad and other free internet dating sites: dating in real life is awkward, it's stressful, and it's not always fun. Internet dating gives people like this a chance to avoid the pressure, nervousness, and confusion of meeting and greeting and dating and trying to make it work in real world. When you're shy, each and every meeting is strange and stressful; and when you have to meet dozens of duds before you meet Mr. or Miss Right, going through the process again and again is akin to torture.
Now, I didn't write all of this only to illustrate why I think internet dating is so great (though of course I do-- it's why I'm here). I wrote it so that all of you shy folks out there will shake your heads and recognize who you used to be before you moved your dating efforts online.
Okay, now that you've shaken your head and remembered the shy torture of live dating, it's time to compare it with your internet dating behavior. For some, the online format brings out their inner "people person." Without a pair of eyes on them, they can think and socialize and have fun without stress. But it doesn't work that way for all daters. In fact, a lot more people take their wallflower nature into internet dating wallflowers than realize it.
Sure, you're probably more outgoing online than you were in real life. But are you doing everything you can to attract a partner? Read on to find out if you're behaving like an internet dating wallflower.
You wait for contact.
The only people online who are flooded with desirable responses on dating sites are perfect, perky blondes with oversized breasts (and probably Photoshopped profile photos). Even so, you may feel like you get plenty of responses to your profile, and so depend upon those responses to set up dates and meet people. But this is textbook wallflower behavior! Instead of waiting around for people to find your profile, go out and look for interesting profiles on your own. If you use the search functions (we have some good ones here at Datepad) and spend a little time, you may end up with a far superior list of candidates than you would otherwise.
You aim low.
When you're internet dating, it should be easy to take a chance, take a risk, and go for that person who really catches you eye. So why is it so hard? Internet wallflowers often avoid going after the owner of that great profile with that great photo, preferring to opt for safer choices with a lower chance of rejection. But doing this is only going to set you up for disappointment. No, there's no guarantee that the people you meet will like you. But if you don't try, you'll never find out... and what better place is there to try than the net, where there's plenty of privacy and zero pressure? If you can't aim high here, where can you?
You don't send messages.
Nudges, winks and the other tools you'll find on dating sites can be really fun to use. But for internet wallflowers, they can act as a kind of crutch. If you send a smile or a wink to somebody online, it's easy to avoid being hurt if you don't get a reply. And so you take the low-risk option whenever you can, always leaving the ball in somebody else's court. Don't. Use winks and smiles when appropriate, but don't forget about the importance --and effectiveness-- of a real message.
You don't express interest.
Most shy people are afraid of rejection. So when they meet people online, they tend to take things slow. A little too slow. If you have a hard time telling somebody you're interested --even when you're dying to meet them-- you need to work to get over it. Taking that next step is what successful internet dating is all about. If you allow your shyness to prevent you from moving forward, chances are you'll never get anywhere.
