There are all kinds of different personalities out there. Some of them make a person kind and gentle and easy to be with. But others make a person controlling, difficult, and dominating. For dominating personalities, what is right or fair is not nearly as important as who has the power. And if you're dating a dominator, the person who must always have the power is them. Dominators work hard to take control of situations and of people. And they're not very easy to live with.
However, some people have dominating personalities... and others are simply assertive. Not all dominators talk with raised voices or walk with heavy steps. And so they can be difficult to spot. Since you're not going to find the description "Dominant and Power Hungry" on anybody's internet dating profile, it's a good idea to learn to spot this kind of personality. Read on for a few clear ways to spot a dominating personality.
Belittling
People with dominating personalities tend to use sarcasm and insults to belittle your efforts or yourself. While these sorts of comments may be veiled behind joking or "good natured" teasing, it doesn't make them any less calculated. Why do dominators do this? If somebody isn't confident about what they can do or who they are, it's much easier to control them. Watch out for sarcasm in particular-- while it's generally harmless (or just covers up insecurities), it's often a popular tool for dominators who wish to make you feel small.
Control
A dominating personality will also have a difficult time giving up control of a job or a situation, or even a person. At first, this may appear to be a simple desire to see that things are done correctly. But if this behavior repeats itself again and again, it may be a sign that somebody you're dating is trying to dominate you and everything else. If somebody you're dating always has to take the reigns, whether it be in the car or the kitchen or the bedroom, it might be time to worry if they'll ever give them up.
Underhanded comments and advice
Many dominators try to dominate subtly. Instead of outright telling you that they disapprove of something you do or are, they subtly insinuate that your action or trait is inappropriate. Often, this sort of "help" comes in the form of advice. A dominating personality may try to control what you do or who you are in a way that seems friendly and caring. But if it happens all the time, this behavior is generally a calculated effort to control.
They don't listen to opposition
Nobody's 100% right 100% of the time. But if somebody you're dating is unwilling to admit to ever being wrong, there's a good chance he or she has control issues that need to be dealt with.
While there are people out there with dominating personalities who are great in a thousand other ways, living with them can be more than a little difficult. The behaviors that seem like inconveniences or annoyances can, over time, affect the way you see yourself. If enough time passes, dating a dominating personality can cripple the relationship-- and your trust in yourself.
Roses4mysoul
70 / Female
Comments: 21
Posted on February 4, 2009, 11:25 am
Another great article, Chloe. I'd like to see you discuss "assertive" verses "controling" in a future article. There's some confusion out there as to how to differentiate between these traits.
Posted on February 4, 2009, 11:33 am
That's a great idea Roses4mysoul, thank you! As an assertive woman, I've been called "controlling" and worse on more than one occasion!
Submissiveman4u
61 / Male
Comments: 1
Posted on February 18, 2009, 2:52 am
I am a man, and a loving and affectionate, yet very Domineering and firm-Handed Lady is what I desire above all things. A Woman capable of this sort of balance is exactly what I seek in Ms. Right.
Denise02
25 / Female
Comments: 2
Posted on March 30, 2009, 1:44 pm
I loved you article but i have a question on ''relationships'' Do you still go on in a relationship when you have two kids together, been together about 7 years on an off, an dont even live together. an he alway say we will, i live by myself with my twokids an he lives with his mom, He said that when i got my place that wewould move in together, well ive had my place for 2 years now an still nothing. What should i do in your opinon!!!
