Published in Relationships     2 comments – join the discussion!

We all make bad decisions in dating. Maybe we go out with the slick-and-handsome co-worker who we know we shouldn’t take seriously. Or we try to create a real relationship with a person who, deep down, we know won’t make us happy. This tendency to make unwise romantic decisions is really amplified when you’re lonely. When it’s been awhile since you’ve been in a relationship, you might be aching to be with somebody… and make bad decisions without even realizing it.

The truth is, ending up in a relationship with the wrong partner is going to be a lot more emotionally damaging than spending time alone. But it can be hard to recognize when the person you’re dating is all wrong for you. After all, you want so badly for them to be right!

You feel relief instead of contentment

If the overwhelming emotion you feel when you’re spending time with somebody new is relief; relief to have a relationship, or relief not be on your own; take a little time to look at the relationship more closely. Spending time with somebody new should make you feel happy and content in and of itself. You shouldn’t simply feel relief to not be on your own with a bucket of ice cream and an anchovy pizza.

You haven't taken the time to figure out what you really want

When you make consistently bad choices in romantic partners, it’s often because you don’t take enough time for inner reflection. If you haven’t made a real effort to figure out what you want in a healthy, happy, balanced relationship, it’s going to be hard for you to get it. Look at your past (and current) partners to figure out the common factors that led you to make the mistake of dating them, and learn how to recognize it in future.

You're dating a fantasy

It happens all the time. You meet somebody, you’re attracted to them, and you project all of your hopes, dreams, and wishes onto that person. When you experience failed relationship after failed relationship, it’s often because you don’t see the person you’re dating for who they really are; you see the fantasy version that you want to see. Then, when you start to see the truth behind the fantasy, you feel betrayed, when the only person who has betrayed you is, well, you!

When you really want to be in a relationship, you sometimes make yourself vulnerable to mistakes that you normally might not make. So before entering into a relationship with anyone new, it’s important to open your eyes wide, and see that person --who they are and how you feel for them-- as they really are. And if what you see isn’t what you want, don’t settle for less just because you’re lonely. Spend that time alone figuring out what it is you want from a relationship, and don’t accept anything less.

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1

siso

Posted on August 5, 2008, 3:07 pm

This article couldn't be more true! i have dealt with every single thing that was meantion on here, and it can get dreadfully lonely which may lead to one getting with someone up to no good! we just need to get ourselves together sometimes for real- great piece! loved it!

2

Chloe (Author)

Posted on August 5, 2008, 9:42 pm

Glad you liked it Siso!

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