Aside from actually, you know, getting a relationship to work, there's very little in life that is more complicated than dating. And while free internet dating removes some of the complications of dating, the major ones are always going to be there: making the right impression, balancing friendship with physical attraction, deciding when to take things to the next level. Without a manual --we all probably wish somebody would write one-- navigating your average date is an exercise in doubt and frustration.
Which is why so many people out there turn off prospective dates without even realizing it. Whether you do it on the first date, the second, or when you're still just chatting on an internet dating site, it's perfectly possible that some of the things you say and do are major turnoffs to the people you date. And that you don't even know you're doing it.
Find that you can't get past those relationship road-bumps: the first chat and the first date? Read on to learn about some of the unconscious mistakes you may be making.
Complaining.
Whether it's past relationships or the abysmal service you're currently getting at the restaurant your date chose, complaining is quite simply a turn-off. People who spend a lot of time complaining will almost always come off as fussy or high-maintenance. And if what you complain about is your life, your friends, or your past relationships, you'll create an impression of general negativity that will not serve you well. It will not get you a first date (if you're still chatting on internet dating sites) or a second date (if you do your complaining in person).
If you tend to focus on the negative, it may be a personality trait that you just can't help, so try to minimize it when you're out with, or chatting with, somebody new. Positivity is always more pleasant to be around than negativity. And being pleasant to be around is sort of your goal, right?
Social Difficulties.
No, calling somebody socially inept isn't very nice... but the truth is a lot of people have social difficulties without even realizing it. And if your personality comes on too strong or your manners aren't what they should be, it's definitely going to get in the way of getting another date-- or even getting that date in the first place if you take an online conversation in the wrong direction. If you're naturally defensive or argumentative --and you don't tone it down when you're on a date-- it's easy to let your attitude become a turnoff. It's important to remember that, just because you're enjoying what you consider a lively conversation, it doesn't mean your date is enjoying it. If you find that you're getting too intense (and you've got to pay attention in order to notice), try to tone it down. You can still have opinions without going off the rails.
The same goes for manners as well. Too many people go on dates, get nervous, and forget they're not hanging out by themselves in front of the TV. Pay attention to what your hands are doing-- they shouldn't be grabbing at or tweaking your face, your groin, or any other part of your body.
The Wrong Amount of Interest.
Letting your date know how interested you are in them is one of the stickiest parts of dating. Should you act aloof and try to pique their curiosity? Or should you put all your cards out on the table and let them decide if they want to play a hand or two? If you don't show enough interest or attachment, your date will start to doubt whether you even want to be there-- and start to detach from the relationship before it ever gets started. Too much, however, can scare him or her away.
The key is to strike a balance. Make sure that your date understands that you're interested in seeing them again, but also be sure that you don't come off as desperate. You don't always have to talk about this out loud. If you've moved past internet dating and are meeting in person, touch can be a great way to show your interest without having to mention it out loud.
