I don’t think I’m alone when I get feelings of completely not comprehending why certain famous people act the way they do. Granted, I leave plenty of room for the fact that the press frequently bends, shapes and misinterprets things when it comes to celebrity behavior. But come on…sometimes they really are acting like they’ve got no sense at all. And it’s hilarious, usually. But every now and then, the golden gals and guys of Hollywood will do things that give me seriously weird feelings. Here are my current top 5:
1. Dakota Fanning
Did you realize that she’s, like, old now? Okay, not old old but definitely driving-age-old. I just remember her as that tiny little girl hanging onto Denzel in that movie where things blow up (can you tell what a film genius I am?) But seriously, I recently saw pictures of her doing scary grown-up things like going to a gym, shopping at Kitson and dressing like a vampire for the new Twilight movie. It’s weird.
I always feel this way when child actors grow up, like I didn’t even expect them to or something. Oh well, at least she’s not going the boozing-and-drugging route of Drew Barrymore. Keep it clean, Dakota.
2. Hayden Panettiere
I had to Google this chick to see what she was even famous for. All I can ever seem to remember is something about dolphins and Japan. But her overly emotional social issues aside, my issues with her are far more superficial. How do I say this gently? Okay: Hayden Pantytime (or whatever) looks like a middle-aged housewife who is still trying to be hot. And is being really unsuccessful at it, I might add, unlike many middle-aged women. She’s shaped all weird (hips? Where are they?), too.
3. Pamela Anderson
I hate to even keep giving this crazy has-been any attention but she is making me feel awkward lately. Basically, it comes down to this: she needs to wear pants. She never wears pants anymore! Okay, recently she wore a dress, wrap, thing on a catwalk and it “accidentally” fell down. Ass everywhere.
Listen, Ms. Anderson: I know you used to be this babe-tastic beach piece who everyone wants to get sandy with but those days are behind you. At a certain point, you have to switch from sexing it up to aging gracefully. You are no longer doing either. And it’s making us all uncomfortable.
4. Johnny Depp
I hate to do this because oh man, do I love me some Johnny. But there’s something weird going on with his face. Is he botox-ing? He damn well better not be. He’s one of those men who will certainly look super-foxy with a few wrinkles and a bit of age to him. His apparent recent attempts at keeping his youth on are giving me sad feelings. I’m detecting subtle notes of Mickey Rourke. Careful, Depp, it’s a slippery slope.
5. Michael / Dina Lohan
And celebrity parents in general. These two are the worst of the worst, if you ask me. They whore out their children, use their fame (even when it’s for the worst possible reasons) to leverage themselves into a public position and then, basically, they air out all their family’s dirty laundry for the world to see. That family isn’t famous for anything but dysfunctional livin’.
And it seems that the parents are worse than anyone. Lindsay being a boozehound with a thieving problem and super-social naughty bits? I can understand all of that, even if it makes me feel ick. At least it makes sense. What 23-year-old doesn’t want to make out with tons of hot guys, drink themselves to oblivion and maybe steal lots of stuff (okay, that’s pushing it)? Her parents are the ones who weird me the hell out.
