Almost…but not quite
Okay, admit it. You’ve done this at least once: been in a relationship and carried on an outside flirtation up to the very edge of the line of cheating without actually crossing it. This is very dangerous, and surprisingly common, territory for the coupled-up people of the world. Let’s investigate:
What it’s made of
Suppose you have an internet dating account that you’ve long neglected due to the fact that you are happily dating someone who is the absolutely apple of your eye. But the account still exists and, unbeknownst to you, is frequently perused by singles all over the place.
Maybe one day, you get an alert in your personal email that someone has contacted you on said dating site and out of innocent curiosity, you head over and check it out. And just to be friendly, you write a little note back to this interesting stranger. Yeah, watch out, because before you know it, you could be involved in an all out online romance.
Another possible scenario: you have a cute co-worker who you’ve always enjoyed flirting with. Even though you’re in a relationship (maybe this person knows you are, maybe they don’t…but I will say that how forward you are with the information of your involvement with someone says a lot about your likelihood to cheat. Something to think about.) you are able to justify your office antics by chalking it up to just that: a way to pass the time at work.
The danger here is that, in most cases, your professional life and your love life are far enough apart that it’s easy to let things escalate. Soon, what started as checking each other out on the sly has turned into you very painfully having to turn down invitations to sneak into supply closet.
There are a thousand variations to the set-up but you get the idea. Basically, the Almost-Cheat is a flirty relationship with someone other than your chosen partner that stops short of getting your freak on…but not short of you really, really wanting to.
What constitutes infidelity?
So what is cheating? Everyone I’ve ever dated certainly had a different idea. Some people live by the “no penetration, no problem” motto, while others will blow a major fuse if you so much as send a birthday card to your ex. When figuring out if what you’re doing is in the realm of wrong, consider these three points:
1 – If you feel guilty, you might be guilty. Your gut is always your own best moral barometer.
2 – Talk to your significant other. The only way to keep from cheating is to have your own specific definition of what that means to each of you.
3 – On the other hand, if you really need such specific rules to keep you faithful, maybe what you actually need is to be single. There will always be little temptations here and there but if you are becoming increasingly consumed by a desire to do something that your current situation prohibits, it’s probably time to start weighing your options.
