Depending on how your marriage ended, your feelings after a divorce can be incredibly complicated. On the one hand you feel like you've lost something huge and important. You may feel like you're at sea with no light to draw you to shore. You may also feel newly freed; for the first time in a long time you're out on your own, your life stretching out in front of you and full of possibilities. Who knows where you'll be --or who with-- in a year or two?
When dating and free internet dating after a divorce, it's best to focus on the positive aspects of your feelings. But just because you're doing your best to feel positive doesn't mean that you don't have doubts and questions about what you should be doing. Especially if your marriage was a long one, it's natural to be wracked by doubts. All you need to do is take a deep breath, look your doubts in the eye, and move on with your life as you see fit.
Divorcee Doubts and Questions
"Am I ready to start dating again?"
This is one of the first questions you'll ask yourself after the divorce. And of course the answer will be different for every person. If your marriage was a long one and the divorce painful and bitter, you'll probably need more time to heal before you start dating than somebody else would. But in every case, you'll have to go through a process of healing and letting go.
You'll know when it's time to start dating again if you listen to your body and your heart. When the good-looking men or women you see when you go out catch your eye and keep it, you may realize that you're starting to move on. And when you've moved on you'll truly be ready to date. In the meantime, just have fun! Date new people casually, don't worry about being serious, and watch your old hurts slowly fade into the background.
"Can I even make a relationship work?"
Your last relationship ended in the disaster of divorce; so it's perfectly natural to worry that your next relationship might, too. But there's nothing you can do about what the future may bring (and it's perfectly possible that it'll bring nothing but good things!). What you can do is look at your past and the choices you've made, and see them for what they are. The more you can learn about how you behave in relationships and what you're looking for from a partner, the easier it will be to make things work the second (or third, or fourth) time. As long as you keep your eyes open, you shouldn't have to worry about starting off at square one.
"Will anybody even want me?
When you're in a marriage, you get used to being the center of this one person's world. But when all of that ends, the feelings of rejection or worthlessness --and the stress and confusion that accompany any divorce-- can wreak havoc on your self esteem. You haven't been in the dating (or internet dating) game in a long time, and it's hard to feel confident about your ability to attract somebody new.
But forget about those feelings and decide to feel fabulous instead! Start watching what you eat and dropping by the gym. Get a new hairstyle and some new clothes. This is your chance to decide who you will be romantically, both to yourself and to the people you date. So have fun with it, and never forget that the reason you were married in the first place is that you were wonderful enough to make somebody fall in love with you. Being divorced is nothing to be ashamed of. You're not damaged goods-- you're somebody who's learned what works and what doesn't. And that makes you an attractive partner, indeed.
