Unless you found your new partner on, say, a religion-specific internet dating site, there's a good chance that the person you're dating doesn't share your religion. And while the holiday season is a wonderful, festive time to spend with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, if you both share strong, opposing beliefs, it can also be an awkward time. If this is the first holiday season you're spending with the person you've just started dating, there are a few things you should do when the holidays arrive. If you follow some of the tips below, you can help make the holiday season more comfortable for you both.
Set up boundaries.
When spending time with your partner during the holidays, it's key to let the person you're dating know which elements of their religious occasions you're comfortable with... and which you're not. If you're Jewish and your partner is a dedicated Christian, you may be comfortable going to his or her niece's Christmas-themed school play. But you might feel a little awkward singing about the Three Wise Men at his or her family's annual Christmas party. Make sure your partner knows about your reservations beforehand to avoid any awkward situations on the day.
Respect his or her traditions and intentions.
If your partner's religious beliefs don't mesh with yours, it doesn't mean you don't have to respect how he or she celebrates those beliefs. After all, you expect the same consideration, right? It's also important to remember that many holiday gestures, such as giving gifts, are well-intended, even if they make you uncomfortable. Recognizing your partner's and his/her family's true intentions can go a long way to making you feel more comfortable. Remember, they're trying to make you feel welcome, not convert you.
Don't push.
Just as there are limits to what kind of religious celebrations you're comfortable attending, your partner may have limits, too. Even if you can't understand why he or she doesn't want to attend the Christmas pageant with your family, don't push.
Ask for understanding.
If you plan on taking your partner home for the holidays, and he or she doesn't share your beliefs, it's a good idea to run it by your family first. Take the time to explain your partner's differing beliefs to them, and request that they consider your boyfriend or girlfriend's feelings during the holidays. So while it may be unreasonable to request that your family not say grace at a holiday dinner, you can request that they keep it short. You get the idea.
Try to be flexible.
While it's important to set up boundaries and make sure that you're fairly comfortable in situations with a religious tone, if your relationship with a differing-belief partner pans out, you're going to have to start being flexible sooner or later. Why not give it a try now? Don't allow things to get to a point where you're severely uncomfortable, but do try to learn about and appreciate your partner's beliefs. If you push your boundaries a little, you may find that the holidays are just as merry when done your partner's way as they are when done yours.
