What’s one of the biggest thing married couples argue about? Why, money, of course. Sure, when you're only Internet dating or are just beginning to fall in love, the idea of arguing about money seems silly. But as you settle down into a relationship, money issues have a tendency to take center stage, especially when you and your partner look at spending in different ways. If you're a saver and your boyfriend or girlfriend is a spender, money issues will almost certainly come to plague you further on down the line. That only makes it doubly important to talk about money issues earlier on in a relationship. If you wait until the differences in your financial habits become a large problem, your money issues may just become insurmountable.
Talking about money in a relationship is always going to be uncomfortable. Money is so wrapped up in our worth, and what we do, and who we are. But if you're looking for your relationship to work, you need to set aside some quiet time to sit and talk seriously about money. Especially if you're living together, money will become an issue at some point... so why not talk about it now, when you can be more objective and reasonable?
So get a pen and a piece of paper. Grab your partner, your bank statements, and a stack of bills, and get talking.
Discuss a shared financial philosophy.
If you don't have any pressing money issues to talk about, and you're at the beginning of a serious relationship, you may not need to get down to brass tacks and talk about every little number in your checkbook. But it's still a good idea to discuss, and decide upon if possible, a shared financial philosophy.
There's a good chance that you and your partner look at spending differently. While she might laughingly imply that you're "cheap," you might look at her $300 shoes and feel hopeless about your financial future. It's important to discuss those feelings, and agree to disagree about your basic perspective.
That's the easy part. Next, you need to compromise.
Talk to your partner about what you expect from saving and spending, and listen respectfully to how your partner feels about those same things. Remember that you both feel on the right side of the subject, so don't let your disagreement pull you into an argument. Try to make a compromise about when it's okay to spend, and in what situations it's more important to save. If you can come to general compromise, you'll be taking a big step towards financial, and relationship, harmony.
Come up with a detailed financial plan.
If you and your partner actually share finances or have a joint account, it's probably a good idea to come up with a detailed financial plan. In this plan, determine who is responsible for paying what, how much discretionary spending you each will have, and how much you plan to save. If you take the time to come up with a budget and savings plan, it will free both of you from the stress of spending and saving. You will know that you're saving a respectable amount of money each month. And she will know that it's okay to buy those $300 shoes... as long as she doesn't go over her discretionary budget for the month. It can be surprisingly freeing!
