When you first start a relationship, the idea of doling out chores as if your partner was a 12 year old might seem like sacrilege. After all, you're in love... day to day concerns like whose turn it is to wash the sheets don't have any place in your love life! Of course, that only lasts about 13 seconds... then real life kicks in. Especially when you live with your partner, deciding who does what (not to mention actually getting them to do it), can be the source of a lot of squabbling.
Everybody looks at household responsibilities a little differently. We're all a product of our upbringing, and how we lived at home tends to color what we expect from our partners. But when both members of a couple have their own responsibilities and interests outside the house, it can be pretty hard to strike the right balance-- and even harder to get everything done.
Fair distribution of household responsibilities might be important to you. But chances are, you didn't put "looking for a mate who loves to do dishes" on your internet dating profile. Because everybody's experience and perspective in this area is so different, there's a very good chance there will be some disagreement between you. No matter how much you love your partner, if you don't agree about household chores it's possible for this disagreement to open up a rift between you.
Finding a Balance
Just as with any element of a romantic relationship, the most important part of distributing chores fairly is to strike a balance... especially when you live together. Each of you needs to have time to fulfill all of your responsibilities outside the home, but you also need to be sure that one person isn't unfairly responsible for the bulk of the work.
Remember shirking off your chores when you were a kid? Well, most of us really haven't changed that much since childhood. When given a chance, most people prefer to leave all those household unpleasantries --cleaning, organizing the junk drawer, making dinner-- to somebody else. So if one person shirks and the other never speaks up about it, it's all too easy for the distribution to become unbalanced.
The Right Time to Talk
If you feel like the workload in your home is unfair, the only way to balance it out again is to talk to your partner. You can't keep silent and hope that they'll feel bad about shirking-- because that definitely won't happen. You need to speak up. But you also need to choose a good time to talk about this. Generally, these sorts of conversations don't come about until there's already resentment and bitterness on at least one side. If possible, talk to your partner about household responsibilities before things get to this point. And if you can't do that, at least wait to bring up the subject until you're in a decent mood, and not tired and crabby --and annoyed by a sink full of dishes-- after a long day.
Doling Out Duties
When the time comes to talk, you need to sit down with your partner (even grab a pen and paper) and talk together about how you feel about the distribution of work in the house. Even before you share your opinions with each other, you and your partner should each think out and even write down your answers to the following things:
• What you each see as your main responsibilities.
• What other, small things fall to each of you.
• How you feel about the amount of responsibility you currently have.
• Whether one person is taking on too large a load.
• How changes can be made.
Your partner's answers may surprise you. And yours may surprise them.
Setting a Schedule
No, you don't need a little calendar with shiny stars on it dictating which of you should be doing what at what time. But you do need to specifically set out which responsibilities should fall to which person in the house. That way, there are no grey areas when things don't get done; both of you will know who's responsibility it is, and shirking chores won't be as easy an option as it once was.
Screenname12345
31 / Male
Comments: 12
Posted on May 29, 2009, 3:58 pm
I think its always good to split the chores and help each other out, that way you have more time for each other in the long run, thats if you are living together, if not, then clean up after yourself.
Screenname12345
31 / Male
Comments: 12
Posted on May 31, 2009, 11:44 am
For sure, all words make things seem easier in life, but when you look at the big picture, there is really no time for anything these days,
