Unless you're David Letterman, chances are you don't have a perfect track record when it comes to awkward conversations with strangers. You get nervous, you say the wrong things, your palms sweat, and you want to run away. In other words, you're on a first date.
You can't expect all first dates to go perfectly. But if you often find that first dates don't lead to the second dates you expect, there's a good chance you're doing something wrong. And there's an even better chance that that "something" is a habit that you may not even notice.
Sometimes unintended mistakes are the biggest ones. Going on lots of first dates with the people you meet on internet dating sites? Below are three of the most common first date bad habits.
Talking without listening. Some people clam up when they get nervous; they can't think of anything to say, so they don't say anything at all. And while that's not a great first date philosophy, there's something even worse: monopolizing the entire conversation. Most of the people who do this tend to do it out of nervousness. Especially when somebody new is looking at you with interest and asking you questions about your life, it's easy to go on and on and on without stopping for a breath.
But all this behavior does is show your date that you don't like to listen. That you don't have an interest in them. And, worst of all, that you don't even notice when you're being rude and inconsiderate. Not the best first impression.
Sharing too much. If you're under a certain age, chances are that you've used the phrase "TMI" (or too much information) plenty of times in your own life. There are just some things that you don't want to know about people-- especially people you've just met. So why is it that so many daters tend to share way too much on a first date?
It mostly has to do with eagerness. Most of us know that being open and intimate is an important part of a successful relationship. So when it comes time to get to know somebody, you work hard to let them see you. All of you. And while this is a very positive thing as a relationship moves on, it can act like a sort of poison on a first date. Even if the person you're dating seems receptive, there are some things you should not share on a first date, or even a second. Remember, keeping some things to yourself doesn't mean you're hiding... it means you're taking the time to get to know somebody before you let them see all of you.
Pretending. We all have ideas of what we think the perfect date is like. He is full of confidence, coolness, and accomplishments. She's funny and beautiful and enjoys all his favorite things. And so we try to be that person-- especially when on a date with somebody we really like.
But pretending to be somebody you're not is one of the quickest ways to cut a budding connection dead. No only does it give your date a false idea about who you really are, it also starts any potential relationship off on the wrong foot. The truth is, people are a lot smarter and more observant than most of us think. If you're false, braggy, or strange with your date, he or she will notice. And you can kiss date number two goodbye.
Avoiding Bad Habits
Fortunately, there are ways to train yourself away from your worst habits. Most of them, after all, have to do with simple conversation skills. And the best way to improve those? With practice. Talk with people you meet at the grocery store or stand next to at the bank. Join a reading group or sports team full of people you don't know. Then listen to yourself speak and watch how strangers react to you. Ask questions and observe which ones invoke a positive reaction, and which ones a negative. And always keep an eye open for the bad "first date habits" that slips into your speech, and practice resisting them. The better you are at speaking to strangers in general, the better you'll be at talking to that man or woman you're so interested in.
