Published in Dating     3 comments – join the discussion!

I’ve read many articles in the last little while about the do’s and don’ts of dating, but none that I have run across seem to come from someone’s actual dating experiences, so I think I can shed some light on the subject given my recent encounters, especially when it comes to meeting online and the whole online dating scene that has just exploded in the past few years. But before I go any further, since I've earned bragging rights by winning this contest, here's my pad

My very first experience actually happened on one of those networking sites where you get to have friends and post little notes for everybody on your list to read. Even though we never actually went out (the situation does have a “don’t” in it, one that should be obvious but for some reason in this day and age is not) it illustrates the number one DON’T in my rule book;

DO NOT try to start a relationship with someone and say you’re serious if you are married, engaged, co-habitating or anything along those lines.
And if you just have to, DO make it a point to tell the person you’re speaking to that you are; and lay out the whole situation. Let them decide for themselves what they want to get themselves involved in. Don’t let them walk into a situation totally blind without a clue of what is coming.

This particular fellow didn’t tell me. Luckily I found out before our little weekend get-together and let him know my unhappiness about the situation very quickly, very clearly and believe it or not, very calmly (yelling gets you nowhere most of the time!)

Of all the men I’ve met, this has been the most common predicament. I’ve only met one guy that was up front and said he was married and just looking for some side fun. Got to give him kudos’ for that. Even if he was stepping out, at least he was honest about it!

My second experience brought up a second DO NOT.

DO NOT take the girl parking and expect her to “give it up” on the first date, especially if you have not discussed this ahead of time, or she has made it very clear in several conversations that she’s looking for someone to have a relationship with, not just sex. I made this quite clear in two separate conversations. I can go down the road to the bar and pick up anybody for sex, but I joined this dating site to look for someone who wants a relationship. So when he asked me if I’d like to go get a bite I thought he meant food. You’d think he’d at least try to feed me before he got all hands on!!! LOL

So fellas – DO be up front and discuss what you want and are looking for with the gal before your first outing and DO what you say you’re going to do, not the opposite. Gals, be clear about the when’s and where’s. I no longer ride on first meets, I take my own car, makes it a lot safer.

My third experience never got past the internet. We talked for three, count them, 1, 2, 3 minutes and he was asking for dirty pictures and wanted some descriptive “IM sex”.

So next case in point; DO NOT start this type of talk in your first conversation unless that’s what she wants. If you’ve read her profile in its entirety, you will know the answer before you initiate contact. If it’s not clear, DO NOT begin until you DO ask her nicely and in a non-crude way. Many men seem to go by pictures only, and don’t bother reading about whom they are contacting. Not every person on an internet dating site is there for sex, though I will be the first to admit there are many.

If everyone would read my entire profile it would be so much better! Many who contacted me, even though the first two sentences in my profile explain that I have two small children and list their ages, are still surprised when I tell them, and then aren’t interested any more. Why send me an e-mail saying “we have lots in common, let’s talk” when after one conversation, it’s obvious no reading was done past maybe the basic age and location info. This has caused a lot of aggravation on my part, and probably many others as well. I’ve even visited with a couple guys who have custody of their children, and the women run the other way when the information was on their profile for all to see.

Read up guys – and gals – it would save a lot of aggravation – although there are always lots of do’s and do not’s, these seem to be the most common in my experiences.
Some days I’m ready to just give up!

Bookmark & Share

Comments

Read what people are saying.

1

Hot-Flash

Posted on November 10, 2008, 12:34 pm

Hey TMR7865, congratulations on the win! I liked your article and you're dead on about being up front about expectations, and also about reading a profile before getting in touch with the person. Sure would save a lot of aggravation!

2

ConfusedTuna

Posted on November 10, 2008, 2:06 pm

Nice article.

3

lacynjeans

Posted on November 10, 2008, 5:12 pm

Nice and true article. I went out on a few dates from other web sites...don't understand men when you talk to them on the phone to get to know them..they tell you something and when you meet them..well..it is something different...like they think they aren't going to get caught in a lie.

You must be logged in to comment on this article.

Why don’t you login or become a member?