So through whatever path you took to get to this place, here you are: you’ve recently figured out, or admitted out loud, that you no long wish to walk the path of the straight and narrow. Kudos! Seriously, here’s to you for being brave enough to dive into uncharted waters. As exciting and liberating as this experience can be, there’s also one glaring question that plagues many people during this time: how the hell do I know where to begin with actually dating as a gay person?
This isn’t an uncommon question, believe it or not. As the broad range of sexual preferences opens up and the generally population becomes more accepting of an ever-expanding gray area of sexuality and gender, lots of people who possibly never considered where they really fit on that scale are starting to ask questions.
And even if they get that answer, they still have to wonder where to go from there. It’s like living in a new country. And funny enough, my advice to both groups of people would be the same:
Get a support system
The lucky thing is, you are far from alone. People of all ages and social situations either discover for the first time or finally admit that they’re sexual orientation isn’t what they once thought it was. There are infinite support groups and advice columns and conversation forums for people who are recently out available online. It’s a great place to ask any questions you have and hear insightful answers from people who have been there and really know.
Having a real life support system is good too. When you first start telling people you’re gay (or bisexual or whatever the situation is), remember that your friends are still your friends. Unless they’re just completely closed-minded and terrible people who are afraid of gay cooties or something, they are going to be there for you.
Talking about what you’re going through and your concerns and your excitement…that’s what will make the whole thing smoother. Maybe that’s just how I am, but for me, talking things out instead of internalizing them and rolling them around my insides is definitely the way to go. And that’s what friends are for.
Additionally, seek out new friends or current people you know who have been through similar experiences. This is a major life change and not one you can really, thoroughly do by yourself.
Remember what you already know and don’t worry about what you don’t
It might seem like entering into the world of same-sex dating is a whole new, completely foreign thing to you but really, there is a lot that’s the same. Yes, it definitely is a different little sub-culture unto itself but then again, so are a lot of things. Sailing, for instance, has a whole set of words and phrases and jokes and slang and etiquette that neophytes wouldn’t understand.
You have to get in there and exist in that environment for awhile before you feel completely at ease. The same theory applies to jumping into the world of gay dating and relationships: you just have to do it and learn as you go. Talk to people, make friends, and be honestly and unabashedly aware of your newness. Trust me, in my many experiences in the gay community, they most certainly won’t shun you for being new. And the ones who do shun you are lame. There are lame people everywhere; the gay scene is no different.
That said, dating is still just dating. You can take almost everything you know about your love life up until this point and apply it going forward. There will definitely be little tweaks to be made but it’s all part of the fun. The real trick is to embrace your infantile state right now…you get to learn so much! And have so much fun fumbling your way through it.
Figuring out who you are is really the hard part. Figuring out the bits and pieces of successfully living the life you want is just an exciting game of trial and error. Try not to take anything too seriously and just enjoy where you’re at. It’ll all work out.
