Sometimes you just hit it off with somebody on the first date, and things go further than you'd planned. This is especially common with internet dating. When you date online, you get a chance to feel a connection with somebody even before you ever meet them. There's an informality to online chatting that loosens you up and gets you to let down your guard even before you show up for the date. So when the time comes to say goodnight, sometimes it becomes "good morning" instead.
Sleeping with somebody on the first date isn't such a big deal. But if you're torturing yourself about what happened, you don't need to. Instead, calmly analyze the situation and decide what to do next. To start off, you'll want to:
Banish the guilt.
So, you slept together on the first date. Now you're thinking that he won't call you, doesn't respect you, thinks you're a total whore, and... my God, what would your mother think if she knew? Calm down. He's not stressing about what it means to have slept with you, so you shouldn't be, either. First date sex happens all the time. Chances are it was fun, and chances are you will do it again. Don't feel guilty. You're just as entitled to give in to you urges sometimes as a man is.
Give him a chance.
Many women simply write off any men that they sleep with on a first date. "Now that he's had me," they think, "there's no way he'll be interested in more." But that's not necessarily true. Whether it's because you want to save yourself from rejection or because you feel embarrassed about your behavior, don't let yourself cut him dead simply because you slept together. If you like each other, there's no reason why you shouldn't make a go of it. Let him know you're interested in knowing him for more than his body, and let him make the next move. He may move in a different direction than you expect.
Look at it as an opportunity.
It's absolutely true that the conquest is part of the fun for men-- and that some men are not interested in knowing a girl better after having slept with her so early on. And while this is a discouraging thought, why not see it as an opportunity? If you had fun together, had compatible personalities, and seemed to like each other, he should be interested in you regardless of the sex. If he's not, chances are he's a jerk. Which means you've found out something very important about him very early on in the relationship: you don't want to be with a guy like that.
Was the sex not very good? Well, it sucks that you didn't have fun, but you can look at this as an opportunity, as well. If it wasn't good for you, you already know you're not interested in pursuing something more-- even if he is.
Learn something.
Everybody does things sometimes that they didn't intend to do. You can't beat yourself up about your little "mistake." Instead, learn from it. What about this particular guy made you give in and give it up? Why do you feel how you feel about it? How can you prevent the same thing from happening in the future, or prevent yourself from feeling guilty about it afterward? There are lessons to be learned from this situation, so look for them.
Develop a strategy.
The date was great, the sex was great, and you're dying to keep him interested? Then you may need to develop a strategy. It's absolutely true that men are all about the challenge-- and that they may lose interest once they've "caught" you. Want to get him interested in chasing you again? Give him a little kiss, sashay out the door, and tell him over your shoulder that while you really enjoyed it, this kind of thing will not be happening again. You never know... you may just get that second-date phone call after all.
SamIsDaMan
39 / Male
Comments: 1
Posted on September 14, 2009, 4:36 am
Hi, I am a dude, and some of my relationships started with sex on the first date and some had a more traditional courtship process leading up to the sex. I have noticed that having sex on the first date has not made those relationships any worse or better than the ones that involved a traditional chase.
