Like creating a beautiful painting, flirting is a delicate art. If you gob on too much paint, the final result will be messy, silly, and rather unappealing. If you dab on too little, on the other hand, it can be difficult for the viewer to tell what you were even trying to create in the first place. You've got to get it just right. Now, some people have the smooth ability to make any flirting maneuver look good. But most of us don't. While we can flirt with abandon, there are some flirting moves that we should avoid... or modify for our own "mere mortal" flirting abilities.
Scared you may be trying out some "big gobs of paint" flirting moves that would better be avoided? Read on for four flirting moves most people should avoid-- and how to modify them to work for you.
1. The wink.
Some people can pull off a wink to perfection. But generally, they're on screen in movies that were made before 1970 or they're sexy cartoon characters (Jessica Rabbit, for example, can do this particularly well). But unless you want to come on as strong as a mack truck, the wink is something better left to being playful with your kids, not flirtatious with that hot guy or girl you met at an internet dating site. After all, nobody wants to come off cheesy when they're aiming for sexy.
Modified version: What is a wink supposed to say? It's supposed to tell the recipient that you're playful, interested, and maybe even a little bit naughty. One flirting gesture that can do more or less the same thing is the raised eyebrow. When you make eye contact, raise your brows slightly and smile, then look away. He or she will get the picture.
2. The hair flip.
Sure, the hair flip works. But it's also one of the most obvious flirting tools a woman can use, so is generally best to be avoided. At least, it should be avoided if you want to be taken seriously. Girls who flip their hair all the time tend to come off silly and flighty-- "valley girl" types. That's probably not how you want to present yourself.
Modified version: The reason men love the hair flip is because it draws their attention to something very feminine and appealing about you: your hair. You can do the same thing by simply touching or adjusting your hair. Take your long hair and gently, slowly move it over your shoulder with one hand, letting it rub over your skin as you go. Or wind a glossy length of it around your finger while you talk.
3. The bend-over.
This is another flirting move that's reserved just for women... and that looks a little obvious when you try it in real life. Sure, he'll probably love getting an eyeful of your rear view. But unless he's totally clueless, he'll also know that's exactly what you're trying to do. Which means you'll probably come off just a little desperate. Sure, he'll like what he sees... but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll like who he sees.
Modified version: Want to give him an eyeful and emphasize your femininity? Give a subtle stretch. Arch your back slightly and stretch your arms, lengthening your torso and drawing attention to your breasts. Not only will this give him a chance to ogle you, the arched back will also remind him subconsciously of sex. Which is just what you were trying to do with that bend over move, right?
4. Playing footsie.
Unless you're in an established sexual relationship with somebody, playing footsie with your date under the table generally comes off as a bit obvious and aggressive. Sure, you want to make physical contact with him or her... but do you really want to be a cliché while you're at it?
Modified version: Hand play. You can really get your date's attention by doing the same thing with his or her hand. Touch it softly and absent-mindedly while you talk together, and if they respond positively, even play with his or her fingers a bit. But don't do this as if you're trying to be sexual-- do it with an absent-minded air. The awareness of your touch will be enough to get your date's motor running.
