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Friends with Benefits: Should You Go for It?

by Chloe ◊ October 6, 2008

Published in Sex

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Call Of Nature

Yes, "friends with benefits" is one of those silly, pop culture terms that feels ridiculous to say (at least, if you're over the age of 21 it does). But that doesn't mean that you don't want one! If you're single and missing the physical contact that you get in a relationship, the idea of having a friend with "benefits" can be an attractive one.

At first glance, the idea of being friends with benefits seems simply perfect. You get sex, you get friendship, and you get no strings attached. Great, right? But there are also some downsides to entering into this kind of relationship. Debating whether or not you should start up a sexual relationship with a friend? Read on!

Reasons to Jump Right in

There are a lot of reasons why a friends with benefits relationship is so attractive. It seems like the perfect compromise between a casual fling or one night stand, and a full-on relationship.

One of the best things about this kind of relationship is having consistent sex with somebody that you know, trust, and like. You don't have to feel guilty that you're sleeping around or spend time trying to develop an emotional connection when you just want a physical one. In fact, there's little emotional responsibility involved with a friends with benefits relationship. As you've both agreed on what your relationship is, you don't need to worry about the effect your physical relationship will have on one another.

In this situation, sex can literally be just a phone call away, yet with somebody you feel utterly comfortable with. You don't have to worry about going all-out or impressing your friend with your sex appeal. You can feel comfortable and open with your friend, as he or she is somebody who you already trust and like. With a friend with benefits, there's no need to agonize over your pot-belly or over-plump thighs. When you're done, you can hang out together and watch a movie or eat Chinese food, all with no strings attached. Friends with benefits is all about being casual and having fun.

Reasons to Skip it

The short and simple reason to skip a sexual relationship with a friend is... it will often ruin the friendship. When you begin having sex with somebody that you're friends with, the normal sharing and communication between you may begin to break down. When previously you could talk about anything in the world, now there's a big thing that you're not supposed to talk about: your sexual relationship. Friends with benefits often find themselves unable to talk about their relationship at all for fear of putting too much "pressure" on it. And this causes the friendship to suffer.

Another problem with a friends with benefits relationship is that one person often develops stronger feelings than the other. When one person would like to turn the sex-only relationship into something more serious, the friendship quickly declines, and it can be nearly impossible to get your friendship back.

In essence, friends with benefits relationships become a problem for the same reasons that they're so attractive to begin with. Because you don't have to talk about the relationship with your "friend," you don't. And because you never talk about what's happening between you, both the relationship and the friendship start to dissolve.

If you're thinking about starting a sexual relationship with a friend, the most important thing is to be honest from the get-go. Set down some ground rules for the relationship, and stick to them. And, because sex has such a tendency to ruin friendships, take a look at your friendship before you make the decision. If you're friendship means more to you than getting sex for awhile, it's best to avoid sleeping together.