We all tell a lie now and again. Heck, some of us --even really great people-- tell lies all the time. And while some people have a rather loose code when it comes to lying, most people --both the ones who lie and the ones who don't-- know that, in general, lying is wrong. Unfortunately, though, knowing it doesn't generally prevent you from doing it.
Lying isn't a good thing. But there is a lot of difference between the small fib on your internet dating profile that you weigh 15 pounds less than you do, and the large one claiming that you're unmarried and looking for a relationship when you're not. Some lies are just worse than others.
The truth is, people lie for all kinds of reasons, both good and bad. Want to know if the little lie you told yesterday is something that should keep you up at night? It's time to evaluate your motivation for lying. Read on to learn more about the main reasons most people lie... and which ones are truly unacceptable.
Bad Reasons to Lie
Lying for self-preservation.
These are the sorts of lies that tend to get us in trouble-- and that so often go un-believed. You know the situation: you often tend to show up late when meeting your best friend for dinner. And you know it bothers him or her. So the next time you show up late for a night out, you have a good excuse on hand: "Sorry, but the train broke down and I was stuck on it for 15 minutes!" Which is, of course, a lie. You were watching an episode of The Daily Show on TV.
This version of lying is about avoiding taking responsibility for your actions. It keeps you from having to deal with the consequences of what you do, which, while a relief at the time, doesn't help you to learn from your mistakes in the long term. It also tends to mix up reality in your mind. ("Why did I tell my boss I couldn't turn that project in on time? Was I supposed to be in the hospital?") Sometimes, you're stuck with these lies forever. Remember, you don't always need to provide a reason why you've done something wrong. Simply apologize and move on. It doesn't always require a long explanation or excuse.
Lying to get what you want.
What this should really be called is "manipulation." While this can sometimes be rather innocent (who hasn't played hooky from work to spend the day at the park or sitting in your pajamas eating Chinese food?), it can also be the most painful kind of lie. Especially when taken too far. For instance, when you tell a woman that you're interested in a future with her when all you want is to get her into bed, you're lying to her to get what you want: sex. And it's wrong in just about every way a lie can be wrong. There are ways to get what you want through more positive channels. Whenever possible, take them. Otherwise, risk being labeled as a manipulator-- and not a very nice person.
Lying to feel better about yourself.
To me, this is the worst kind of lie. If you lie often to others, it means you have a bit of a problem. But if you lie often to yourself, it means you're not living in reality. Sure, you know that that you should be working instead of hanging out on an internet dating website. But telling yourself "the boss wouldn't care" is a lie. Make the decisions you make, and lie about them to others if you absolutely have to... but be 100% clear to yourself about what the truth is. If you're the one falling for your lies, it'll be impossible to climb back up into reality.
"Sometimes Okay" Reasons to Lie
Lying is bad, right? But some types of lies are a lot more acceptable than others. Read on for the types of little lies we tell sometimes to make life a little easier. While they can sometimes create trouble for us, they're usually handy and relatively harmless.
To avoid confrontation.
Ever hear the expression "you have to pick your battles"? Well, that's certainly true-- and picking your battles is a lot of what these types of lies are about. Now, there's a difference between always lying to get out of trouble or avoid having to confront somebody, and lying about a small thing to keep a situation from getting out of hand. Saying "sure, I'd like to go see that movie," when you'd really rather see something else can be perfectly fine... as long as you speak up when it's really important.
Sometimes a confrontation just isn't worth the emotional energy it would take to have it. But some confrontations are necessary. If you find yourself constantly lying to avoid difficult conversations, you've got bigger problems than what movie to go see.
To be kind.
Ah, yes... the always slippery "little white lie." While we always respect that person who is unflinchingly honest about what he or she is thinking, we don't necessarily like that person. Especially when we're asking if our butt looks big in a particular pair of jeans. In cases like this, a little white lie can help to smooth things over. Just avoid being fake. If my butt does look big in those jeans and you want to spare my feelings, a simple "no" is a lot better than a "no, they make your butt look just gorgeous." Because that's just being false.
