Yoko Ono was a significant force in the life of the illustrious John Lennon. They fell in love (no internet dating here!), and together, inspired each other to great acts of art, music, and social change. They were self-proclaimed love revolutionaries. They grew their hair long and stayed in bed. They had a son who now looks like them both so much that it creeps me out.
I like John and Yoko as a pair, honestly. But there’s another side to this story, one that many an angry Beatles fan will readily tell you about. It goes something along the lines of: John meets Yoko, Yoko brainwashes John against the Beatles fun times and changes him into a social crusader with no time for the Beatles. In short, many fans of the Fab Four blame Miss Ono for the demise of the band.
As a result, the name “Yoko” has become synonymous with a female who derails their significant other from whatever it was he was doing before she came along, or steals him away from his friends and changes him forever…and not in a good way, from the point of view of the people who liked him how he was. A Yoko is the girl who breaks up the band, essentially.
I’ll go ahead and put it out there: I’m not a Yoko hater. I think the whole John and Yoko phase was beautiful and inspirational, even if it was a little overly idealistic. And I love the Beatles. When it comes down to it, Yoko Ono wasn’t some evil fembot sent to destroy music’s greatest band. She had good intentions and to be honest, a lot of the endeavors John Lennon embarked upon at her influence were good, both artistically and socially.
So she had some things right, and had some things wrong. Let’s breakdown some ideas on how to be a positive force in your man’s life without ending up the enemy of everyone who loves him just how he is:
Don’t force anything.
Let’s say your sweetie has always had this secret desire to learn how to play guitar. Giving him your sincere encouragement and building up his bravery and motivation to throw himself into it (and listening to all of his ghastly first attempts at songwriting) is really just being a good girlfriend.
What’s different is taking your own desire to have a sexy musician lover and projecting it on your man. Don’t badger your significant other into reconstructing his career, look, hobbies or friends in an attempt to turn him into what you want. Supporting him as he grows and changes naturally is healthy but if he isn’t the kind of man you want, go find someone who is. This isn’t a build-your-own-man workshop.
Let him speak for himself.
Yoko liked to talk a lot. She had a bad habit of turning herself and John into a “we” a lot, especially in reference to what “they” thought and what “they” were doing. All those we’s made it look even more like John had lost his individuality to the partnership he now had with a very strong personality of a woman. Maybe if Mr. Lennon had made more of an effort to address the nay-saying and defend his choices as actually being his choices, perhaps Yoko wouldn’t have that bad image.
In your relationship, don’t run around touting the big changes in lifestyle and philosophy that your man (or, McCartney forbid, the two of you as a single brain) is undergoing. How and when and to what degree he verbalizes these things is up to him. Even if you are a huge motivating force in his life, giving into the temptation to take credit is a bad call. Because if these decisions aren’t well-received, you won’t be getting the glory; you’ll be getting the blame.
Encourage at least a little status quo maintenance.
Sometimes it’s easy to get overzealous and all caught up in the excitement of making productive changes in your life, particularly when it’s entangled in a relationship. And I say, go for it, full steam ahead. But at the same time, there are surely at least some things in your life that are worth keeping up with. Especially friends.
If your lover man decides he doesn’t like, say, golf anymore and wants to drop it, then sure, whatever. Golf won’t call you an evil Yoko bitch. In the midst of these great changes you’ve been behind him for, gently reminding him that his boys still want their buddy is one of the best assurances that you won’t end up the bad guy. They’ll see you as an ally rather than a destructive man-changer.
Damn the doubters.
At the end of the day, as long as the two of you know who holds the reigns in your boy’s life choices, you shouldn’t worry too much about what anyone else thinks. You’ll never please everyone and remember, you’re on his team and he's on your team.
Hot-Flash
50 / Female
Comments: 13
Posted on October 26, 2009, 9:40 am
Good points Jessi_bee. I know a lot of women who "speak for the two of them". It's annoying!
