One of the most common complaints I hear from male users of internet dating sites is this: "why don't women go for nice guys like me?" In fact, this is a question that actually seems to make some men angry. They see women swooning over men who don't treat them well, and it makes them feel angry and useless. They treat women well, after all. Shouldn't that be what women want?
Why Some Women Like Bad Boys
The truth is, most women want to date a man who treats her well. But that doesn't mean that all of us do. Some girls are always going to fall head over heels for that "bad boy." And most girls will at the very least be attracted to him. There's something so attractive and alluring by a man who is dangerous, mysterious, and most of all, outside of a woman's control. I'm a woman myself, and I can't really tell you why-- that's just how it is.
However, most women --particularly the kind that you're probably looking to settle down with-- prefer true nice guys in the long term. Guys who are dependable and will treat them well. Of course, most of us will never stop secretly fantasizing over that James Dean type with the wicked grin. Just like you'll never stop fantasizing about Heidi Klum.
In essence, bad boys are to women what supermodels are to men. We're not going to stop liking them, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy --happier, actually-- with a nice guy.
Are You a Door Mat?
I can't say this enough: most women do want nice guys. But the truth is, you can be a nice person and still not attract women. Why? Because there's a difference between a nice guy --one who treats a woman well-- and a door mat. And many of the men who complain that their niceness goes unappreciated aren't just nice-- they're (for lack of a better word) spineless. Sorry to be harsh.
A woman doesn't just want a man who can treat her well, she also wants a man she can respect. As humans, we women are set up to want men who are capable and self-sufficient. So when you're not those things, you're not attractive to women... no matter how "nice" you are to them.
When you agree with whatever a woman says just to get her to like (or want) you, you're not being somebody she can respect. And so you don't even show up on her romantic radar. When you allow her to call all the shots, when you never assert yourself as a person, when you don't respect yourself enough to speak up for what you want, you're not going to appear desirable to women. It's that simple. Most women don't want a man they can walk all over... and the kind of women that do are not the kind of women you want to date.
The Kind of "Nice Guy" Women Want
The main problem men have, I think, is with their definition of the word "nice." A "desirable" nice guy treats a woman as he would like to be treated: with consideration and respect. He listens to her and respects her right to an opinion. But that doesn't make him afraid to assert himself, or to state his own opinions. The kind of nice guy that women are attracted to speaks up when he feels it's right, and isn't afraid of disagreeing with a woman. He respects her, and he also expects that same respect in return.
The truth is, many "nice guys" (or "unknowing door mats") who fail with women treat us as if we were a separate species. But just because we're female doesn't mean we want you to fawn all over us and give us everything we want as if we were bratty children. Think of how you treat a man. Then treat women that say way. The content of the conversation may be different (as well as the level of, uh, physicality in your relationship), but the essence is the same. Be yourself. Talk. Listen. And don't be afraid. That's what being a "desirable nice guy" is all about.
