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It's always interesting when you start something new, at least I get quite the kick out of change and new ideas. Both have driven me my entire life. When the opportunity to write an article for an Internet Dating site came my way, I figured, I’m 50, I’ve never used a site, what thoughts could I share with people who did. But, given this, what an interesting challenge this would be for me and a good learning opportunity. You know, broaden your horizon and all. Imagine if I could be successful at something I know nothing about, what a rush that would be, so I accepted the challenge. Little did I know what challenge I would encounter.

First, I will tell you I have been single at different times in my life having been married, lived with someone for a while and now recently remarried. I did consider using an internet dating site once but, I must first let you in on my little secret, I figured only a loser would revert to a dating site for a date. I hadn’t heard too many people openly discussing their experiences on dating sites, so I figured most were embarrassed to tell anyone. Most articles and news items about sites talked about the perils of internet dating. You know the creeps and sexual predators that roam the internet looking for unsuspecting prey and the devastation they cause. I said to myself, “you’re not that type of guy, don’t forever put yourself in that category, don’t do it”.

So I put my thinking cap on and started to listen.

Several years ago, my ex-wife started using the internet for dating, so of course, you now know what I was thinking. I remember my children saying that she was conversing with someone very far away which I thought laughable because she had a fear of flying. But I figured, admittedly selfishly, that if it brought someone into her life, even long distance, it was beneficial to me for her to have someone as she had been not so nice to me since I met someone. I will say that I distinctly remember the weekend the children said she was meeting this guy for the first time at a hotel and I thought “what is she doing, what if he is an axe murderer”. She was taking quite the chance and I told her so. Her date appeared to go fine as she was still alive to talk about it. So fine, in fact, that she married the guy, a nice quiet fellow, he moved and they have been happily married now for several years.

My next thought was what happened with my daughter. You see she was using MSN to converse with friends and making friends a few years ago. I didn’t use MSN so I chalked it up to her having some of her mother in her. The conundrum came when one weekend my little girl, who was 14, was to meet a boy she had been conversing with on MSN and asked if I would drive her to a bank parking lot to meet him at night. I protested. She said she would go with her friend and that it would be alright. Again, you know what I was thinking about this guy. I have always felt you teach children the best you can and then let them experience life as, if a child wants something, it’s going to happen with your Ok or not. So there I was sitting in my car, “oh daddy you can’t come over to meet him, I haven’t yet”, watching as my little girl meets this boy under the light in a dark parking lot with her friend a discreet distance away. Funny as I sit here thinking of this, it struck me how funny this is as I just finishing driving her and this boy, now her boyfriend of 5 years, to another city for college and their room together in my condo.

The things that make you go hmmmm when you take the time to think about them.

I was watching a recent news broadcast on the perils of internet dating. It would appear that it has become a hot topic of today as several news outlets have done stories recently highlighting the plight of women who meet sexual predators on the net. Needless to say I watched. You know the news media, always looking to sensationalize their topic for ratings, they certainly did not disappoint with this story or should I say “show”. Please let me try and paraphrase their expose. They highlighted a woman’s story where she was recently divorced and was so lonely that she decided, aka desperate, to use the internet to meet someone. Her sad tale was that after only 3 weeks of conversing with a fellow, he proposed marriage and she accepted. All went well apparently until a week before their engagement party when he asked her for $1200 for car repairs and she said she didn’t have that kind of money. Subsequently, he didn’t show up for the party and she has not seen or heard from him since. What a creep, the poor woman.

I sat there after watching this heart wrenching story, took a moment and then thought, you idiot. Who accepts a marriage proposal after only 3 weeks of chatting with someone on the internet? I also thought, this had nothing to do with the internet and had everything to do with the judgment and mindset of the individual. This story could have played out through any means of dating, convention or otherwise, at a bar, at work, the grocery store, etc where one’s better judgment is skewed by any number of issues. However, there is no story in that; there is no show to sensationalize. The fact is that more people are using dating sites to meet so more attention is paid to the medium, which is understandable. But it also stands to reason that a person can lie to another person to their face, in a letter, over the phone or on the internet. I guess the old saying “buyer beware” is evident in all dating mediums.

So there I was thinking what to do next and a bolt of lightning penetrated this thick skull to spark a thought that, maybe, I should just go to a dating site and try it. As a colleague said to me I’m married, I’m on a dating site for research and she’s totally cool with it. With my darling wife, I had to explain the logic and she said to me you are so naive, patted me on the cheek and said to be careful. I didn’t understand her until I sat down to write these words. If I told her I was going to a bar for some research, and I didn’t use my better judgment, maybe something might occur that I hadn’t expected. I’m sure you get my point here, or actually, it hers that originally had escaped me.

I signed up at a few sites. Some were physically/technically unsatisfying as searches were stupid, information changed and I was bounced around a bit. Some have been pleasant surprises. As a member these past several weeks I was hoping to gain insight through discussions with people who have the experience that I don’t or ever will. I’m up front with my message and the fact that I am happily married. I have been surprised by so many people who are on internet dating sites who have someone in their life. This "dating" appears to be far more than that if you are to believe in people's bios. My surprise is that overall I have enjoyed myself and the experience so far. I think it’s cool that you can tell when a message you have sent has been read and, not so cool, when it was unceremoniously deleted without even a nice “thanks but, no thanks”. I have read through numerous biographies and found a wide range of people, communication styles, types of relationships being requested and, if pictures are to be believed, some very good looking guys and gals. Many have excellent writing skills and their words are quite touching. Yes, I know they might not be telling the truth and yes, I have realized that the big difference from meeting someone personally or through the internet is that you can’t be mislead on looks. I have also come to realize though that if the person is truthful and sincere, you get a peak into their soul that you can’t when you meet elsewhere. Maybe it’s the ability to let your guard down when you are behind an internet “mask”. Like a masquerade party, the internet allows you to be yourself or promote a false persona. In the end you get what you promote and as they say in the tech world, “garbage in - garbage out”, and it appears that this is true in any form of dating out there, in particular, the internet.

I said at the beginning, I like a challenge but hadn’t anticipated this challenge. This exercise so far has been more of a challenge on my own integrity than a challenge in learning and business. You see, I thought I was a fairly enlightened and open minded person who was not quick to judge. At least I thought so. I have been surprised in this recent quest that while I thought I was an old dog looking at a new "trick", the trick itself, internet dating, has been around for some time now and in many cases has been quite positive for people looking to find someone. I have been the judgmental one, not unlike a sensationalized show on the news to provide content and gain ratings; I chose not to see it for what is was in light of the facts. Right in front of my eyes internet dating has been successful. Again, here I thought I was a very open minded, tolerant and enlightened guy when, in fact, I have been a narrow minded dork. Humbling, in and of itself. There are few things more gratifying than self realization which leads to self improvement and in this area; this endeavor has been a success for me. My challenge now is to not only learn more from others and their experiences, but to implement what I have learned and change myself for the better.

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