Out of pure curiosity, I recently sat down with Michelle, a 26-year-old virgin. Yes, virgin. As in, never had sex. Okay, just clearing that up. I thought this would be interesting since I am pretty much the farthest from a virgin you can get and the idea intrigues me. Oh and let me just say, Michelle is hot. Like, super hot. And smart and successful and just generally a catch. I just don’t want you thinking that she’s some lame, dowdy, undesirable wench who is pretending that not having sex is her idea. Clearly, dudes would want to do her. Just thought I’d put that out there. Here’s what Miss Michelle had to say about her decision to not do the deed ‘til she’s deeply dedicated to one dude:
Question 1: Okay... why?
There are a few reasons. It started when I was young, I was being raised in a pretty religious household where you’re just always told that sex is something married people do. I didn’t watch a lot of TV and so for the longest time, it really didn’t even occur to me that having sex outside of marriage was an option.
I got a little older and started exploring different ways of thinking in regards to religion and spirituality…not to mention, realizing that a lot of those same people in my family who were preaching about the marital sanctity of sex were the same ones having extramarital affairs…so those influences became less pronounced. But still, sex wasn’t really on my mind when I was going through all this. By this time, I’m a teenager and I looked around and saw that pretty much everyone my age was consumed by sex, either having it or wanting to have it or actively trying to have it…it really didn’t seem to leave much time for anything else.
Question 2: So it turned into a "keeping your mind free for other things" kinda thing?
Yeah, in a lot of ways, that is what it turned into. I kinda surmised that once you turn on that part of your brain, that going-after-sex part, it’s impossible to turn off. It’s a life-changing choice. And I had a lot of other stuff I wanted to do. Honestly, it might’ve been a competitive thing as well; I kept thinking, “If I don’t worry about sex and everyone else I know does, I’m going to kick all their asses in every other part of life!” Meaning, school, work, etc. That was my thinking.
Question 3: What’s the hardest (cough) part of choosing to stay a virgin?
Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with personal sexual gratification. I probably know more about masturbation that any woman my age. I’m not trying to deny myself the physical benefits of having regular orgasms, just the social and mental complications of having a sexual relationship with another person.
So I guess the most difficult part is having any romantic relationship. It wasn’t so bad when I was younger but it seems with every passing year, there are fewer and fewer men who really get it and are willing to put up with dating someone who has chosen to wait until marriage to have sex. I’ve sent a lot of men away who I thought were awesome people because they couldn’t handle it…and I don’t blame them. It’s like I said; it’s something that once you turn on, you have to keep having it. So I don’t blame them. But it is hard.
Question 4: Come on, tell the truth…you’ve been really tempted before, right?
Of course I have! Seriously, I got tempted by a hot guy I saw on the bus this morning. But it’s always really fleeting. Especially now that I’m not sure if I will even get married. I mean, I definitely want to end up in a long-term, monogamous relationship and be all cutesy happily-ever-after and stuff but I’m not sure how I feel about actual marriage anymore. So I may not have that easy, clean barrier to cross and be like, okay, after this, I can have sex. It makes relationships way more ambiguous. So every time I’m really seriously in love with someone, I wonder how I’ll really know when this is the “for good” relationship, if I’m not going to make it legal.
Question 5: Unexpected upsides?
I’ve never had a pregnancy scare! I don’t know…it’s not like not having sex is this big thing that drastically improves my life. It also isn’t a huge detriment to my life. It’s just not a factor. I honestly don’t think about it very much. So maybe that’s the upside: you would think a 26-year-old virgin thinks about sex all the damn time but really, I think it’s the sexually active 26-year-old who is mentally pre-occupied by sex. I mean, you might really crave a piece of cake if you one day stop eating cake and you’ve always eaten and enjoyed it. But if you’ve never had cake, you don’t crave cake. You might want something sweet and you might give yourself something sweet but cake specifically? You definitely might enjoy it one day but for now, you don’t even know what it’s like so how you can miss it?
Melinda_J
22 / Female
Comments: 1
Posted on November 30, 2009, 5:23 pm
I can really understand where Michelle is coming from. I decided to become celibate until I get married and my life has already changed drastically. Im not a virgin but making the decision to not have sex has improved my life a lot!!
Booshaska
48 / Male
Comments: 1
Posted on January 12, 2010, 1:14 am
I am still a virgin at 46. And I am sooo very totally ashamed of it! Especially as a man. I just never had the opportunity come along. But yes it has been extremely hard on me. Especially when you want it so bad and cannot seem to get it. It just totally sucks the bag. O and by the way I am not gay!
