When you first fall in love, it's impossible to imagine wanting to be apart from your partner. Whether you meet through online personals, at a bar, or through a friend, the act of falling in love is all-encompassing. But it doesn't last. Though it varies from couple to couple, the "wildly in love" glow wears off after about two years of dating, and often quite a bit sooner than that.
Once the rose colored glasses have come off, some relationships find they need a little extra push to keep going. That's where taking a break comes in. Particularly for struggling relationships, taking a break can be a good way to figure out what you really want; and whether or not what you already have is working.
Saving a Rocky Relationship
After all the dazzle of a new relationship wears off, couples often find themselves fighting, arguing, and struggling to get along. When this happens, taking a break gives you a chance to step back to see if what you have with your partner is good enough to keep going, or whether you're still dating simply out of habit.
The first thing a break should do is give you a chance to do a little self-evaluation. While you're apart, you can ask yourself the important questions, and get the kind of straight and honest answers you might not get when you're with your partner. Some things to ask are;
- Am I ready for a serious relationship?
- Does this person really make me happy day to day?
- Do I see this relationship working in the long term?
Looking at your relationship from the outside is a great way to set your priorities straight. Are you happier now that you're apart, or do you miss your partner so much you can't think straight? Often, taking a break provides a sharper lens with which to evaluate your feelings. It often makes the answer to "should I stay or should I go" clear as a bell. Listen to your instincts.
Improving an Already-Stable Relationship
Ever heard the old expression, "you never know what you've got until it's gone?" For many relatively stable couples, that's what taking a break can do. Generally, the goal of taking a break is to test your relationship. These sorts of "make it or break it" tests happen throughout a relationship, and help you come together or force you apart. Taking a break is like an intense version of these daily tests. It helps you to see if what you have together really is a good thing, and if it will survive in a real world full of "ifs" and "maybes."
Another thing taking a break teaches stable couples is the value of being apart. When you're on a break from your relationship, your focus changes and you find yourself doing more things for yourself; sometimes these are things you'd forgotten how much you missed. After the glow of new love wears off, taking a short break can be a good way to re-learn how to be apart and to make yourself a priority. Why is this so important? Because spending time apart and doing things for yourself is key to a successful and happy relationship.
No matter what your reasons for taking a break, it can often be a great way to step back and gain a bit of perspective. That said, it's important to keep in mind that taking a break will always entail some risk. You or your partner may just find that, no, things aren't working particularly well. And that this "little break" should be permanent. Another thing to keep in mind is that breaks aren't great for shorter relationships. Oftentimes, they just can't survive a break. Plus, if you need to take a break after less than six months together, it may be a warning sign that your relationships is just not meant to be.
