Today, we're on the hunt for the elusive serial dater. And we know just the behavior to look for. They hunt down their prey, they pounce... and then they move on to bigger game, leaving us a just bit bloody and disheveled. And wondering what, exactly, it is that went wrong.
There are two types of serial daters in the world, and both are dangerous. The first is the "single date" serial dater. This kind of serial dater goes on first date after first date, rarely progressing to a second and almost never going on a third. Fortunately, while the single date serial dater looks dangerous, it can rarely give you more than a scratch. In most cases, it stings for only a few days.
It's the single date serial dater's close kin, the "committed relationship" serial dater that you really have to watch out for. This kind of serial dater may date you for a few weeks or even months before deciding that you don't satisfy, and that it's time to move on. This kind of serial dater can do real damage, leaving deep wounds that take weeks, even months to heal.
Committed relationship serial daters are the worst of all serial daters... and unfortunately they're also the most hidden. These people walk among us, unknown and unrecognized... sometimes even by themselves. Your partner may be one, or your best friend. Or, worse, even you may be... and never know it.
Signs Your Partner is a Serial Dater
No long-term relationships
A person's history can tell you a lot about how they'll deal with a current relationship. If somebody you're dating measures "long term" relationships in months or even weeks, chances are they're a serial dater. Sure, you could be the one to get them to stay for the long haul, but your chances aren't great.
They have dated your acquaintances
If, before ever dating this person, you've heard about them because they've dated several people you know, a red flag should go up. If he or she has made all the rounds and is just getting around to you, what are the chances that he or she will decide they've found what they wanted in you? Pretty slim.
They pull away from real intimacy
Part of being a serial dater is avoiding the true intimacy that comes with a long term relationship. Serial daters hunt for excitement and variety, and will tend to pull away or avoid contact when the relationship begins to be more comfortable and intimate.
Signs You're a Serial Dater
You think all men or all women are the same
If you find yourself getting frustrated because all of the people you date seem to be the same, you may just be one of those elusive serial daters. In reality, each person you date is different and special in his or her own way. The problem with serial daters (like you?) is that you don't take the time to look, because you don't really want a committed relationship. You're looking for something that a relationship can't give you (see below).
You look for fulfillment in relationships
People who aim to find complete fulfillment in a relationship are bound to be disappointed. People who are fulfilled on their own are generally happy in relationships, but a relationship won't fulfill you unless you've already reached that place, all on your own. Serial daters act as they do because they're searching for something... something that they'll never find outside of themselves. If you look at your relationships and feel that the people you date aren't "enough," you may be expecting too much.
You don't give relationships a chance
Serial daters tend to dismiss the people they date for unfair reasons. They will date somebody for a few months or weeks, and decide that person is not for them because of some superficial, unimportant reason. Because most serial daters don't want (or can't get what they're looking for from) a relationship, they make excuses to end it.
Serial daters may be hard to catch, but they're more numerous than you might think... and many of them do not even realize what they are. If these signs match you (or your date), it may be time to take a good, hard look at the way you deal with relationships, and what you're looking for in the people you go out with.
