Were you nervous on your first date with your new partner? Well, that's nothing compared to how nerve-wracking it is to meet his or her parents for the first time. And you know it. Which is why the very idea of an introduction to Mom and Dad probably has you shaking in your boots. While there is nothing you can do to take the "shake" out of meeting the parents, it doesn't necessarily have to be torture. As long as you know what to do and what not to do, that first meeting should go fine.
Unless, that is, his or her parents have already decided they despise you... in which case you're on your own. (Kidding!)
What to do
Smile and engage
One of the best ways to make a good impression when meeting your partner's parents is to make plenty of eye contact and break out your friendliest smile. Eye contact tells parents that you're confident, interested, and trustworthy. And a smile is the best way to get you out of the most uncomfortable situations, like the "only the crickets chirping" silence that fills the room after the badly-timed joke you just told. Smiling is a great way to put everyone at ease-- including yourself.
Do your homework and ask questions
It's all too easy to leave all the question-asking to the parents. After all, this kind of thing is almost their job; they want to know as much about you from this one meeting as possible. Take some of the pressure off yourself by asking questions about them. Talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend ahead of time for ideas on what to talk about. Showing interest in who his or her parents are as people is a surefire way to make a good first impression.
Also be sure to ask your partner about any potential potholes or pitfalls in conversation with his or her parents. That way, you can stop those troublesome comments or topics before they slip out of your mouth.
Plan for the hard questions
Some questions are classic, such as "what do you do?" If you're not great at thinking up good answers off the cuff, you may want to spend a little time planning what to say. This doesn't mean everything you say should be fake or rehearsed, because parents can sense this. But it does mean that if there are better and worse ways to talk about yourself and your life, having some of the better ways lined up can really help that good first impression along.
Bring an appropriate gift
Bringing a gift along to a meeting with your new partner's parents is a good way to show that you are thoughtful and considerate. And it gets you quickly on their good side. But don't go overboard with an expensive gift or something inappropriate. Instead, talk to your partner about what your parents like, and ask him or her for tips. Still can't think of anything? A plant, flowers, or wine are almost always good choices.
What to Avoid
Don't get touchy feely
Yes, you're partner is a fully grown adult who should be perfectly allowed to be physical with you. But that doesn't mean you should do it in front of the parents! Keep any touching to a minimum, and keep it clean. Even hand-holding can bother some parents, so be sure to ask your partner beforehand about what is appropriate. Then do even less than he or she says is okay.
Don't lie or misrepresent yourself
This is a big one. We all want to make a good impression when we meet the parents, and there may be a temptation to tell some little white lies, or even a few big howlers. Resist the temptation to fib. Parents have keen radar for an insincerity or dishonesty, and you may just be found out. Even if you aren't, being dishonest is a good way to set off a "subconscious alarm" that may make your partner's parents distrust you... even if they can't put a finger on why.
Good luck!
