Dating several people at a time can be a lot of fun. After all, this common dating practice has spawned countless romantic comedies and "Friends" plotlines-- all ending in confusion and hilarity. But while some think that dating (or free internet dating) more than one person at a time is perfectly okay, others think it's twisted and wrong.
Just like anything else in your dating life, you have to make up your own mind about whether it's a good idea to juggle dates. Maybe you oppose it for moral reasons, or maybe you support it for practical ones. Either way, whether or not you date several people at once is your decision, and no matter which side of the fence you fall down on, there are going to be advantages and disadvantages.
Pros
It speeds things up. One of the best things about dating or internet dating several people at once is that it speeds up the whole dating process. If you're very serious about finding that somebody special, spending three or four weeks dating the wrong person might feel like a complete waste of time. You don't have all the time in the world to wait around for Mr. or Miss Right. When you date more than one person at a time, you can really cut the waiting game short.
It helps you compare. When you're seriously or semi-seriously dating more than one person at a time, you have the huge advantage of being able to compare the people you're dating. Not only does this help you to gauge what you do or do not like about your dates themselves, it also helps you to put together a more thorough list of what it is you're looking for in a partner. Sure, Girl or Guy A has these great qualities... but do they really mean as much to you as the one amazing quality of Girl or Guy B?
It gives you context. When you date only one person at a time, it can be difficult to know when the relationship has transitioned from casual to serious. But if you're dating more than one, it's much easier to gauge your feelings. When you want to give up everybody else you're dating and make things exclusive with one guy or girl, you know you're getting serious.
You become a better dater. The more you date, the better you'll be at dating-- especially at first dates. If you date more than one person at a time, you'll date more people in general. Practice makes perfect, and juggling dating can really help you to hone your skills.
Cons
It complicates your life. There's a reason why juggling dates makes for such funny TV and movie plotlines: it can often end in complication. So while the chance of both of your dates showing up at your apartment at the same time wearing the exact same thing is probably slim, dating several people is bound to create complications. Especially if the people in question don't realize they're part of a group.
It can create commitment issues. When you get used to dating several people at once, it can be hard to quit-- even when you feel like you've met that perfect person. Like anything that you do too much, juggling dates can be difficult to stop once you get going.
It can undermine budding relationships. When people think of a wonderful romantic beginning to a relationship, they probably don't imagine that they or their new partner were dating a dozen different people at the time. For some people, the idea that somebody they're dating is also dating others is incredibly unappealing. Trying to juggle five "just okay" relationships can sometimes get in the way of that one great relationship you might otherwise have had.
Roses4mysoul
70 / Female
Comments: 21
Posted on March 24, 2009, 9:34 am
I always assume the guy is dating others, because I probably am, too, doing just what your article says...speed-shopping. At least for the first few dates. If I think maybe there's a long term relationship here, then we have "the talk". If he's ready to be monogamous and give up the others, fine, we can proceed. If he's not, getting physical is out, and I usually end the relationship. At my age, I don't have a lot of time fo waste, and I'm interested in a monogamous, long term relationship with someone so-inclined..
