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Wikipedia has this to say about manners;

In sociology, manners are the unenforced standards of conduct which show the actor to be cultured, polite, and refined. They are like laws in that they codify or set a standard for human behavior, but they are unlike laws in that there is no formal system for punishing transgressions. They are a kind of norm. What is considered "mannerly" is highly susceptible to change with time, geographical location, social stratum, occasion, and other factors. That manners matter is evidenced by the fact that large books have been written on the subject, advice columns frequently deal with questions of mannerly behavior, and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners.

It’s time for a lot of us to return to class!

It was a routine purchase at the local convenience store that led me to reflect on manners, or rather the lack thereof.

”Good manners” my mother used to tell me, “cost you next to nothing, and make life that much more pleasant for those around you.”

The young woman behind the counter had obviously never met my mother. I approached the counter, purchase in hand, said “hello”, and handed my goods to her to ring in. There was no acknowledgment of my greeting, let alone of me. She made no eye contact, her attention glued to the cell phone growing out of her left hand. I may as well have been invisible. She rang in my purchase with her right hand and declared to the Lays potato chips poster on the wall “$4.24”. Not “that’ll be four dollars and 24 cents please.” No, just “$4.24”.

She took the money I handed her without comment and dumped my change on the counter, conveniently ignoring my outstretched hand, her eyes fastened on the text message from someone whose communication skills clearly outranked mine.

I collected the change, placed it in my wallet and gave her a full watt smile and remarked in a pleasant tone of voice “Thank you so much for your kind and undivided attention and your obvious delight in my custom. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to do this again soon!” She raised her eyes from the palm of her hand and muttered “Uh, yeah, okay, bye”. She hadn’t a clue.

Ditto to the person for whom I hold the door open and who blithely sails through without so much as a backwards glance. I no longer let this go and normally remark “You’re welcome, now either tip me or thank me.” The majority will shamefacedly express over the shoulder appreciation as they rush about their business, coupled with an excuse “Yeah, sorry, thanks, but I’m in a real hurry!” Yes, you certainly are, and saying “Thanks” would take sooooooooooo long. On the brighter side, I have collected in excess of two dollars in tips from the minority.

Taking the time to say “please” and “thank you” is important, rudeness has a ripple effect. Think of the last time someone treated you boorishly, perhaps it was someone in your family, a server in a restaurant, your mechanic, anyone at all. Were you disposed to respond in kind? Likely you were, it would have been a natural reaction. I have reacted similarly in the past, throwing another pebble into the water, and so the ripples in the pond of rudeness continue. I’m not proud of those moments, and like those who walked through the opened door, I can conjure up all manner (pardon the pun) of excuses.

It all comes down to the basics. Treat those around you as you wish to be treated. Be courteous, be kind, and be considerate. Mother would be proud.

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Katarina_HD

Posted on February 12, 2008, 2:17 pm

I hear what you are saying, being polite should be second-hand nature, not something we have to be reminded of!

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