Marriage is the joining of two people. Marriage to somebody in the military is the joining of two people and one huge government organization; you don't just marry the man, you marry the lifestyle. And most women or men who marry into a military family find that the lifestyle requires quite a few changes. In fact, life will probably never be like it was when you were a "civilian" ever again.
There are a lot of wonderful things about marrying into the military. But it's also a strange and difficult life that many people have a hard time adjusting to. A military marriage requires a commitment unlike any another; a commitment not just to each other, but to the country your spouse works for. And it's very important to go into a military marriage with your eyes wide open.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Living the military lifestyle can put an incredible amount of pressure on a relationship. There's instability, there's danger, there's the stress your spouse brings home after a difficult day. There's the loss of your old life and its ways. This makes it especially important that your relationship be able to withstand a huge amount of pressure. For military families, just loving one another isn't enough; your commitment has to be rock-steady, as does your relationship.
If you've just met your partner (say, you were internet dating for awhile and just got engaged), it might be a good idea to take time before jumping into the marriage. The more you know about your relationship and how it responds to pressure, the better prepared you'll be for the military life.
Evaluating Yourself
A military marriage doesn't put pressure only on your spouse and your relationship. It also puts you in some difficult situations. When you're married to somebody in the military, you're forced to give up a lot of control over where you live or what you do. This makes flexibility very important for a military spouse. If you can't stand the idea of moving around, moving overseas, or not knowing where you'll be in two years' time, you may have problems with the lifestyle.
When marrying into a military family, you will also be expected to take on more responsibility than you would otherwise. Because your spouse will spend so much time away, you will bear the responsibility for the house, the family, the finances... everything. Military wives have even been known to say that they had, in the end, to raise their children alone. So while your spouse will be doing a very important job for his or her country, you will also be taking on a ton of responsibility; oftentimes in addition to the job you're already doing.
Before jumping into anything, it's important to come to terms with the fact that your spouse may be absent for a large portion of your marriage. The job means long absences and deployments; some military spouses spend as much as half of their first five years of marriage apart. It's also important to face the possibility that the dangerous job that your future spouse does may one day claim his or her life, leaving your to shoulder the emotional and financial burden of raising your family alone.
While losing the person you love isn't hugely likely, it's important to go into all elements of a military marriage with your eyes wide open. The way your life is now is not necessarily how it will be in 5, 10, or 45 years. The military life is ever-changing, and it's important to be prepared. If you're considering marrying into a military family, it's a good idea to talk to a marriage counselor or to other couples who have lived the military experience. The more you know about what to expect and how to cope, the better the chances that your military marriage will be a success.
