Published in Dating     1 comments – join the discussion!

Your one photo is the key to your success in online dating. Sometimes, the only thing women will look at to make a decision about you is your picture. Don’t you think you should spend at least as much time planning and selecting your profile picture as you would getting ready for your first date? Would you show up at your date wearing your ball cap and sunglasses? Would you bring your ex with you? Of course you wouldn’t and neither should they make an appearance in your profile picture. With this in mind, here is my best list of Don’ts when it comes to posting your photo.

Don’t show us the fish you caught

We know you are proud and we are too but there is nothing less appealing than imagining your smelly fishy hands in mine and frankly, they just aren’t a turn on for us. We just don’t get it.

Don’t wear sunglasses

...especially mirrored ones. You don’t look cool and we can’t see your eyes and if we can’t see your eyes how do we know if we can trust you, or look for that "bedroom" quality or see if you have a dark side. What if you don’t have eyes??? We want to know!

Don’t wear a ball cap

So you are a Mariner’s fan or part of the National Rifle Association. That’s really nice but let’s talk about your interests when we meet. Why scare us off right away? The first thing we think of when we see you in a baseball cap is "what’s he hiding? Bad hair? No hair? We would rather see what you do have than wonder what you don’t have.

Don’t show us your ex (or her hair)

The worst sin of online dating photos is a picture of yourself with your ex-girlfriend cropped or whited-out with the exception of a piece her blonde hair, or her hand slung around your waist. We know you know you are the man. We would like you to be our man, but leave the other woman in your past. If you think you need that ego boost, think again. You are going to be missing out on meeting a lot of hot, desirable and passionate women. We will pass you by with not a second thought.

Don’t pose with your motorcycle

To us, they don’t represent a large vibrating sex-toy like they do to you. Your mom didn’t want you to ride one. We don’t want you to ride one either.

Don’t use your web cam

Nothing is less attractive for us than seeing you sitting in your pajamas, staring blankly at the computer screen. You look like a criminal in that grey light who’s not smiling because you have bad teeth.

Don’t hold your cat like you hold a women

We just plain think you are gay. We love animals too but we want you to love us more.

Don’t include your kids

We know you are a great dad and the kids are your world. Tell us you have them but don’t make them your selling point. We want you to close the deal on your own. We can meet them later.

Don’t post old photos

When we meet for our first date how will we recognize you without your mullet and 30" waisted bell bottoms. No matter how in shape you were in 1993 nothing screams insecurity like hiding who you really are. Who are you trying to fool? We hate that too.

Don’t use a blurry photo

Don’t make us question whether we have had too much wine to drink or whether you look like Richard Gere or Richard Simmons. If you make it too hard for us we are just going say "Next!".

Don’t stand so far away

Your photo shouldn’t be like a Where’s Waldo book. We can’t tell if you polish your shoes or pluck your uni-brow or if we find you attractive. Someone out there will find you attractive. You won’t know who while you are standing on the top of mountain in your picture.

Don’t show us vacation pictures

Honestly, please don’t show us how hot you look all dressed up for HER in your hotel room on your last vacation. We don’t want to think about her in there with you, because we like to pretend we will be the only one.

Don’t succumb to the photo booth

The fact that you are sitting in a photo booth in the mall makes you a creepy guy we don’t want to date. You are not in high school.

Don’t use your passport or drivers license photo

Raise your hand if you liked your picture. We don’t like it either.

Don’t show us your guitar

Someone probably once told you that women like a man who can play the guitar. We only like it if you can sing too.

Don’t use a skiing picture

We have no idea what you look like under all those clothes. You may look like our father. We don’t want to date our father.

Don’t stand beside a car

What you’re saying to us is...you have a small penis and a big car – and that you hope we’ll be dating you for your car.

Don’t your shirt off for us

Save it for our second date. If you’ve got any brains we know they aren’t in your muscles.

Are you guilty of any or (gulp) all of the sins above? Don’t worry! Here is what you can change to become a "DO":

Do post a clear, recent and close-up picture of yourself to achieve the quickest and best response. Give us the opportunity to comment on the flecks of blue in your greyish-green eyes and how they light up with your wonderful smile. Smiles give us hope, fill us with joy and help us to see the online dating process from a positive perspective. Research has shown that people who smile are regarded as being more attractive than those who don’t. Make sure you are neatly groomed and dressed and choose a picture with a flattering background. You need to be the focal point not the fish, cat or girlfriend in your arms.

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1

ConfusedTuna

Posted on January 26, 2008, 1:43 pm

Nice article, but are you sure you don't want to see a picture of the fish I caught? I was |---| thiiis big!

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