As a woman, I have a pretty thorough understanding of the difficulties and frustrations involved with being female. But I often think that it must be pretty frustrating to be a man, too. Especially a nice one. When it comes to dating and internet dating, almost every woman you come across professes to want to be with a "nice" man. Somebody who will treat them like a princess, who will be sweet and romantic and considerate. And then, when men do just what we say we want... we're often not attracted to them. It must be enough to make nice guys want to pull their hair out.
Women are just as strong and able to decide what they want in a partner as men are. But just as most men are attracted to a certain standard of female (big boobs, round butt, shiny hair) because they're genetically programmed to be, most women are attracted to a certain kind of man. And while she may think she wants somebody to treat her nice and show her respect, a woman's body often tells her a different story. Her body says to choose the Alpha male type-- the one who makes the rules rather than follows them. The decisive and confident man who oozes strength and security.
As a woman, it's embarrassing to write that, but it's the truth.
Fortunately, just as men can overcome their body's drive to "spread their seed" with plenty of big-breasted women, women can overcome their instinctive attraction to take-charge Alpha men. What, as a nice guy, do you need to do to make that happen? Avoid making these three typical "nice guy" mistakes.
Supplicating You want to show a woman that you respect her, and that you're not looking to force her or make her uncomfortable. So when it comes time to ask her out or do something with (or to) her, you supplicate. Women like to be treated with respect, but most are not attracted to a man who appears to be, well, groveling. So if your instinct is to ask, "Is it okay if I kiss you?" don't. Just kiss her. Or, if you feel you must warn her first, tell her you're planning on it and see what she says.
Being indecisive You know the story. You're out on your second or third date with the hot chick you've been internet dating. You've just walked out of the movie, and you're trying to decide where to eat. She asks you what you want, and you ask her what she wants. Neither of you are willing to make a decision, and you're soon frustrated, hungry, and want to go home.
It may not come naturally to you, but in a situation like this, you need to assert yourself. If she asks you what you want, tell her the first time-- don't wait. If she doesn't like it, it's up to her to speak up and suggest something else. Because while being polite and letting her decide where to go seems like the right approach, it isn't. It shows you as indecisive and undependable-- two not-so-attractive traits. If she has strong feelings about a place, feel free to go along with them. But don't be afraid to take initiative-- it's an attractive trait.
Be what she says she wants I believe this to be true of all people, not just women: they simply can't be counted on to tell you what they want. Often what people say they want is not what, deep down, they're really looking for. That's not to say that you shouldn't respect what a woman says and give in to her requests when she makes them (especially if she expresses discomfort with something you do or say), because you should. But just because she says she wants you to call her every night before bed doesn't mean that she'll be more attracted to you if you do.
Just because a woman wants a man to treat her with consideration and respect doesn't mean she wants one that she can walk all over. If you try to be the man who treats her like a queen, then you automatically put yourself in the role of her inferior. Not only is this unattractive to a woman, it's also not a healthy way to start a relationship. Instead, assert yourself and act with confidence; just as you expect her to.
Onyxstar
46 / Male
Comments: 1
Posted on February 14, 2009, 2:08 am
I have been alone all my life because I'm easy going with the women. This is going to change as of now for me.I will be asertive not agresive to females. I seen girls go with loosers instead on me because they were bad boys.Girls go to jail and still stay with these loosers.No more Mr.Nice Guy for me.I want to be a goodman.I'm 45 and been alone my whole life.
Roses4mysoul
68 / Female
Comments: 21
Posted on February 17, 2009, 1:37 pm
Well, Onyxstar, I hope you won't go to the other extreme and become a bad boy yourself. I think the article is speaking to those guys who are kinda wishy-washy...only hinting for a date instead of asking, no plan for the evening, no plan for where to dine, no initiative...kinda boring. Construct a Plan A for your new approach and implement it. Ask what she wants only once, like the article says, then YOU make the decision. Very sexy!
Ice_wolf
36 / Male
Comments: 1
Posted on February 20, 2009, 6:13 pm
Sometimis i ask myself is it true that nice guys finish last? to me either or mean guys / abusive ones gets the girl but nice guys dont WTF??
