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To my family’s everlasting dismay, I’m an avid fan of HGTV. In particular, those shows geared towards Real Estate such as Property Virgins, Location Location Location, Relocation Relocation, and House Hunters. I’ve recently begun watching Uncharted Territory which deals with real estate in such “exotic” places as Slovakia and Bulgaria. It’s fascinating to see what $40,000 will buy you in parts of the former Communist Bloc.

Up until a few months ago, I also watched several decorating shows, primarily Debbie Travis’ Facelift and Peter Fallico’s Home to Stay. I liked them because even though I don’t have a decorative bone in my body, the ideas were presented in such a way that even a decorating dolt like me could pick up a few tips. My “decorating style” can best be described as hodgepodge. The furniture ranges from modern to turn of the century, from hand me downs to recently purchased. The colours are neutral and everything seems to go well together. We like it, it’s comfortable and it’s home, and would never, ever, grace the pages of “Decorating Canada”, let alone the cover.

Recently I happened upon a TV program that I hadn’t seen before called Take it Outside, and I was horrified, absolutely horrified! No longer does one need to decorate only one’s home’s interior from top to bottom and back to front, it is now recommended that we decorate our “outside living spaces” as well. “Decorate our outside living spaces”????? Give me a break, are these people completely deluded?? Apparently, in order for me to gain the maximum amount of living from my outdoor spaces, I need to define zones and plan the arrangement of said zones.

Zones?

Hmmmm, well I have a patio, in fact, I have two. With easy to clean, water proof, bug proof, and neighbourhood kid proof plastic furniture bought at the Bemis factory warehouse sale when Bemis still manufactured yard furniture, and still had a factory in Canada, which is now closed, but that’s another story. I can easily drag chairs, chaise lounges and tables from one end of the yard to another to accommodate any occasion. Bring your own padding because I rarely use cushions. It’s simply too much trouble to schlep them in and out of the shed every day so they don’t become wet or soiled. Cleaning is a breeze, just turn on the hose and point.

I have raised flower and vegetable beds, two of each. I plant at will, mine is a “thrive and survive or take a quick trip to the composter” type of garden. It’s never the same two years running, rarely disappoints, and the riot of colour from the marigolds, snapdragons, salvia and other assorted annuals is always a highlight of my summer’s day.
I’ve taken the same “thrive or die” approach with the perennial beds, daylilies being my favourite and at last count fourteen varieties graced the garden. I mix and match plants and colours without regard for colour correctness, pay no attention to what blooms when, and weed the beds sporadically. With a generous annual helping of compost, I haven’t been disappointed yet, and neither have the neighbours.
Then there’s the grass.

With all due respect to those who “weed ‘n feed”,

whose endless pruning of every blade of grass, ambitious watering plans, whose blind determination toward the weed free lawn, you provide me with no end of amusement. While you sweat and swear and waste your time, I’m comfortably settled in my lounger, a well chilled glass of wine at the ready. Get a life, for heaven’s sake. IT’S GRASS!

I watched that show for all of five minutes, then grabbed the remote in disgust and did what any sane person would have done. I changed the channel, and haven’t been back since.

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Katarina_HD

Posted on February 7, 2008, 2:14 pm

I for one was extremely proud of my burnt, short, chopped up, dry-as-a-bone lawn which my neighbors frowned down upon with disgust at my previous home. I really didn't do it to annoy them, I just could not be bothered to water my lawn as religiously as they did!

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