Nobody puts "lame-ass loser" on their internet dating profile, so to help squash the percentage of people who are dating lame-asses for the reason of simply not knowing what constitutes a lame-ass, I hereby present you with 7 simple qualities you absolutely don’t want in a mate:

Get ready to feel better about whatever is aching at your heart these days, as I declare this: no matter how messed up your dating and internet dating decisions seem to be, there will always, always be a shameless celebrity who is or has done something just like it, only way dumber and way more public. See? You feel better already, don’t you?

Regardless of how any of us feels about good old flesh films, they certainly are increasingly ubiquitous across the internet. So love it (like internet dating) or hate it, it’s getting harder to avoid it. Whether you regard it as a sweet dessert you can’t get enough of (watch out, there) or a shady prowler ready to jump you when you least suspect it, you need to be aware of porn, the role it’s playing in your society (and your love life) and be prepared to address it when you encounter it…because you inevitably will.

The convenience of super stores can be enticing. I mean, getting your vegetables and shoes in the same building can seem too easy to pass up, especially when you’re as busy as everyone seems to be. I personally have a few problems with that: I don’t trust eating food that lives that close to shoes and I think shoes ought to be little pieces of revered and crafted foot art that have no business being shoved into one un-special corner of a vast warehouse-like store.

There are certain necessities when you are female and going through a break-up. Whether you met on an internet dating or through more traditional means, you need friends to bitch to, chocolate to eat, and a firm belief that your ex magically doesn’t exist anymore and/or will be miserable without you forever and ever.

Yoko Ono was a significant force in the life of the illustrious John Lennon. They fell in love (no internet dating here!), and together, inspired each other to great acts of art, music, and social change. They were self-proclaimed love revolutionaries. They grew their hair long and stayed in bed. They had a son who now looks like them both so much that it creeps me out.

Letting yourself become sexually or romantically involved with someone who is already rocking a spouse on his list of accomplishments comes with a whole mess of complications. Seems to me that love affairs (not to mention internet dating) are inherently ridden with enough messiness without engaging someone who is already committed to someone else.

A lot of people are spending and making a great deal of money to sell you something that, because it’s so culturally and conveniently engrained in our minds, we think we have no option but to need. The truth is, there are lots of options to driving a car. And endless benefits to life without one.

We’ve all been there: we jump into new diets and exercise plans with such vigor, such excitement! We believe wholeheartedly that this time we’re going to make it work and come out of things with the physique of our dreams. We're confident that we can check off "athletic" on our internet dating profile.

Cat got your tongue but you're feeling frisky? Read on for our tips to initiate sex, without saying a word.