All relationships hit rough patches. Some relationships sail right on through, while others break apart on the waves. Just because a relationship ended doesn't mean that the feelings you had for that person are gone, or vice versa. And just because things didn't work out the first time doesn't mean that the relationship isn't meant to be. To press the nautical metaphor, sometimes you can repair that broken old boat and push it right back out to sea.
However, repairing an old, broken relationship can be a lot harder and more complicated than building a new one. Old hurts take a long time to heal, and it's easy for your rebuilding efforts to fall apart even before they get started. Thinking about patching things up with an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend? Follow these four steps to reduce the risk of being hurt along the way-- again.
1. Ask Yourself if You're Ready
Pining for somebody you miss does not necessarily mean that you're ready to date your ex again. Before you set your sites on the one you're missing, it's very important to look objectively at your feelings. Are you ready for a new (and, yes, it will be new) relationship right now? Have your feelings of hurt and resentment faded? Do you understand the mistakes you made in this relationship the first time around, and can you avoid making them again?
2. Make Sure the Interest is Mutual
After a relationship has ended, there often comes a time when one or both parties decide to be friendly again. But when you've dated somebody, it's all too easy to read too much into the smallest word or touch or gesture. So if you're looking to start re-dating your ex, you want to be sure that your ex feels the same. Drop hints about missing them or your relationship, or just ask flat out. Before making yourself vulnerable to being even more hurt by this person, be sure that your ex is interested in you romantically... and not just as an old friend.
3. Clear the Air without Blame
Just because you've decided to give your relationship another try doesn't mean that your history has disappeared. No matter what you do, your history will be there, giving extra meaning to every word, extra intensity to every argument. So it's important to discuss what went wrong the first time around in order to avoid seeing history repeat itself.
Talk out what went wrong the first time-- but do it without pointing any fingers or laying any blame. Make sure it's clear to both of you what needs to be better in order for things to work out this time around.
4. Be Prepared for Failure
No matter how much you want things to work out, it's important to be realistic about your relationship's chances for survival... which aren't great. The truth is, most resurrected relationships end up failing. There are many reasons for that, but the biggest is also the simplest. Since it already failed once (and if you are a couple of mature, clear-thinking adults it probably failed for a good reason), there's no reason to assume that this relationship won't fail again. Oftentimes, couples who reunite find themselves falling back into old, unhealthy patterns after only a short time together. And things end just as they did before.
Although there is risk involved when deciding to get back together with your ex, the rewards can sometimes outweigh the risks. If both of you feel ready to give your relationship another go-around, there's no reason not to try. Just bring along blank slates and go in with your eyes open if you want to reduce your chances of seeing history repeat itself.
