If I had my way, I’d live alone forever. You have your own space, for all your things, both physical and emotional. Whether you want all the room for your Ikea sofa or your occasional work-related breakdowns, having your own place is great. No one is disputing that. I personally enjoy wandering around the house talking loudly on the phone, occasionally flopping down in every comfy place around. Oh and I’m practically never wearing pants if I’m home alone. That’s just how it is.
Sadly, the reality is that housing prices are high, the economy is making profitable work harder to come by and in general, times are tough all around. Suddenly, affording our own place to walk around naked and have guilty-free loud romps with cute dates is becoming more difficult to do.
Thus, comes the idea of the roommate: another person (or persons) with which to share expenses in the name of both of you having a more fabulous space to reside. Seems like a good idea in theory: you have a friend, or meet someone compatible through a roommate service, or however it comes to pass, and believe for that wonderful, shining, beginning moment that you will be able to live in domestic harmony.
It’s not altogether unlike the beginning of an internet dating romantic relationship; you have the beautiful naïve glow of thinking it’ll be smiles and blue skies forever. Whether it’s one of you moving into a place the other already possesses or (if you’re really brave and optimistic) you sign a lease together on a new place, you eventually find all of your physical and emotional stuff sharing breathing (and eating and sleeping and dancing and sexing) room with someone else.
Sometimes it really does go well. I know people who are these crazy social anomalies who actually love having a roommate. I get it. I think. Having someone at home who you can talk to, vent to, hang out with, go tear up the town with…sounds lovely actually. Especially when you factor in that you aren’t romantically obligated to them. That little fact takes away a lot of feelings of negativity that can come with co-habitation with a significant other. So yes, sometimes roommates are great.
Other times, roommates can make our lives hell. What happens when he or she starts flaking out on responsibilities like cleaning duties or even paying bills on time? Or if they won’t stop eating your food, hogging the bathroom, leaving their personal things all over or having hours-long screaming fights with their boyfriend just on the other side of a not-nearly-thick-enough wall?
You might start feeling cluttered, in more than one way. If suddenly the magic in your roommate love fest is gone and you’ve tried all the tactics towards mending the partnership to no avail, you’re smart to know when to cut your losses and move on. You owe it to yourself, just like you would in any other type of relationship that ceases to be healthy for you.
That’s what it comes down to: you embark on a partnership with someone because you think you both stand to gain from it. This goes for business associates, lovers and roommates alike. There are always advantages to going it alone but buddy-ing up with someone else can make the undertaking (whether that be love, a career venture, or a stunning apartment) more feasible and more fun.
If you’re brave and patient enough to enter into a non-romantic living situation with another person, my only advice to you is this: be discerning before sealing the deal, keep careful tabs on what belongs to whom, be clear about and respect each other’s boundaries, and be confident and aware enough to know when the relationship has run its course.
Tom_Petty
40 / Male
Comments: 6
Posted on October 29, 2009, 12:44 pm
Roommates are like internet dating, I suppose, in that you really don't know who the other person is until you live with them for awhile and usually, at least in my case, you drift apart.
Obviously this doesn't have to be the case all the time, life is full of surprises and a little effort goes a long way toward making the situation livable if not downright fantastic most of the time.
