There are a lot of benchmarks in a relationship. Each of them changes something. Sex changes much or maybe nothing at all, depending on your and your partner’s emotional states. Marriage is a legal thing; it’s a big party with presents (I can’t think of anything bad about that, myself) so other than the psychological ramifications of letting the government get involved in your relationship, getting hitched doesn’t physically change too much in the relationship.
Moving in together absolutely does. When you start seeing someone in an I’d-feel-bad-if-I-hooked-up-with-someone-else type of way, you stop being single in theory. When you make the decision to live together, that theory becomes really real practice; you are part of a couple. You are sharing a life and a bed…and a bathroom and a washing machine and all the un-sexy parts of existence as well. It’s a tricky game, and there are more rules than you think. Here are a few tips for survival:
Don’t let things build up
When you first move in with someone it’s perfectly natural to want to do everything possible to keep the peace. This is one of the fabulous honeymoon phases of the relationship so keeping the nit-picking to a minimum makes sense. But keep in mind that you’re experiencing each other in a whole new way and it’s likely you’re both going to end up doing things that get on each other’s nerves. Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. But don’t keep those little things bottled up…tell your sweetie what’s bugging you before it goes from tiny issue to big fight.
Get a new place together
I feel like this is more rare than it should be but I stand by my opinion on this: get a new place to live, if at all possible. When one of you moves into the other’s abode, the person who originally lived there will always feel something of a sense of ownership and the one moving in will feel (at least for awhile) like they’re in someone else’s house…which they kind of are. Moving in together will be a whole new stage for both of you. Best to put it in a whole new setting.
Make a space for yourself
As much as you think that your lover hung the moon, there’s no replacing alone time. When shopping for the aforementioned new location of habitation, be sure that there’s enough room for each of you the have a solo oasis, even if it’s tiny. As soon as you move in, set up that space with all the things that make you comfortable and relaxed. Maybe you can’t imagine not wanting to be around your sweetie every minute (bless your naïve little heart) but trust me, at some point, you’ll want to have some you-time.
Remember that the rules are different
Guess what? You don’t have roommates anymore! At least not the kind who care if you walk around naked. In fact, I’m pretty sure your new roommate will love it. My advice is to get busy in every room of the house, because you can! Just make sure to wash the kitchen counter before making dinner. I’m just sayin’.
