If you're a woman, you may have heard about (or read) the famous book "The Rules," by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. And if you're a man, you may have been a victim of it. "The Rules" is about playing hard to get; something the authors say is a woman's greatest weapon.
The truth is, both sexes play hard to get sometimes. Certain people seem to specialize in it; others only do it when they want to hold somebody they're dating at arm's length. Whatever your reasons for playing hard to get, there is a lot of discussion out there about whether or not it's a good idea. Is playing hard to get a perfectly acceptable seduction tool? Or is it a dangerous --and not very respectful-- relationship game?
A lot of good things come from playing hard to get with someone you're dating. Boredom is utterly banished. According to one of the authors of "The Rules," a relationship loses all of its intrigue when one's desires are instantly gratified. The chase is the challenge, and the challenge adds spice and desire to the relationship. If you're always running and, well, hard to catch, the relationship will never get boring, because you'll never be taken for granted. It's a simple idea: if somebody has to work hard to get and keep you, they will value you more. Playing hard to get can make that happen.
Playing hard to get can also make some negative things happen, including confusing your partner. If you don't send clear signals about how you feel about your partner and what you want from the relationship, there's a real chance that they will get so confused that they will disconnect. Or, the person you're dating may take your behavior at face value, and decide that you're not interested in them. To save their pride, they may slowly pull away from the relationship, or even break it off entirely.
The truth is, playing hard to get can work. But it doesn't work all of the time, and it doesn't work on everybody. In general, I like to stick to the idea that games in relationships are a bad idea; you should say what you mean, and so should your partner. That said, if you find that your partner is losing interest, or you want to intensify the interest of somebody you're dating, playing hard to get can be effective. But use it sparingly, and use it with care.
Remember, not everybody enjoys the thrill of the chase; some people aren't going to chase you no matter what you do. In short, if you play hard to get with the wrong person, he or she may not care to catch you at all!
