As a newly single woman, I find myself looking at this new life and embracing even the drawbacks that go along with being on my own. When speaking with other women in their 40s and 50's they say freedom “rocks”, but there are times that the loneliness sets in and seems to be the price to pay. Being single is increasing in numbers, but sometimes it’s just simply in an effort to avoid settling for a less than satisfying relationship. This could hold true for those who dream about getting married and envision a perfect life post-marriage. However, it is not until the honeymoon is over that realization sets in and we see that it comes with its own set of problems.
Staying single or being in a relationship/marriage is a choice and like most choices in life, it has its pros and cons.
Benefits of being single
Freedom
Topping the reason for wanting to stay single would have to be the freedom. For women in particular, independence and personal freedom is very important. They don’t like to feel obstructed with having to follow rules when in a committed relationship. Factors like not being able to come and go as they please, not being able to talk to someone or having a constant worry of what people will say can weigh heavily on a woman’s independence. It can sometimes leave some women craving their sovereignty and in the long run ultimately destroy her self-esteem.
Individualism
One of the greatest things about being single is that you have your own individualism, allowing you to interact with as many people around you as you wish. Being married can restrict you to your own family simply because they are your main concern and a large part of your personal priority. Being single gives you much more freedom and you choose what, where, when and with whom you want to interact with. In my case when I first separated, I found myself watching the time and feeling anxious near the end of the day. I realized that I was doing that because I was accustomed to my husband coming home at a certain time. Because of the issues surrounding our marriage, that time of day in particular made me uneasy and fretful because of the anticipation that he would be arriving home soon.
Self-sufficient
Being single makes you self-sufficient. You don’t rely on anyone for anything even remotely basic…that’s a good thing. For people focusing on careers, it is a huge peace of mind knowing that they can put in long hours whenever needed to work their way up the success ladder. I’m making my own money now and enjoy spending it (when I have some to spend). For me the best part has been enjoying spending it without having to answer to my husband and worrying about him blowing his stack over the 50 bucks I spent at Wal-Mart.
Everything Else
And then of course, there’s the short list of little things that make being single so easy; you want a girls/guys night out, no problem. You can hit the town with your friends and not have a care in the world. You won’t have those dreaded in-laws to deal with….no explanation required on that point. And last but not least, that big comfy beautiful bed is all yours…so all you need to do is stretch out and relax.
Benefits to being in a relationship
Companionship
Companionship would have to be the most enjoyable advantage to being in a relationship. It gives you a constant security of having someone there for you, be it going to a movie or simply coming home after a long day at work and feeling safe and secure in the arms of your loved one. Having that significant other in your life means you have someone to share everything with you like all your day-to-day drudgeries, the little things, the big decisions and mistakes. A relationship gives you something more meaningful than what a simple friendship has to offer.
Sex
Now this one can’t go unnoticed. I would say hands-down that one of the top advantages to being in a relationship is that it gives you access to that wonderful thing called sex….at fairly regular intervals. So whenever you want, wherever you want, as often as you want….almost.
Love
For many, being in love is the greatest feeling. It can have you glowing and feeling more vibrant than ever. The intimacy that’s associated with being in love cannot be substituted with anything else. Although with love comes hurt, it’s the hurting that makes the relationship feel real and gives you the solemnity and determination to strive at it.
Perhaps the reality is that there is no down side to either situation. We can be happy either way. For many of us, after having been through the turmoil of a nasty divorce, being single can be enlightening. It also may well be that just when you’re settled and happy with being single, you meet someone who completely sweeps you off your feet and you couldn’t imagine never having had them in your life. It’s all a matter of being open to what you have before you, and going for it.
Whether by choice or not, keep an open mind. The world is your oyster, really! Embrace what has been given to you. There is a whole new world out there and it’s all set for anyone who has the courage to attain it and discover happiness.
