In my social circle, we frequently refer to the “salad days”. This is our phrase for the glorious days in the beginning part of a relationship when everything is still sunshine, butterflies and blind optimism. Your new internet dating partner can do no wrong; every word they utter is poetry, every kiss makes you a puddle of girly feelings, and even the mediocre songs they play you on their acoustic guitar make you positive you’re dating the second coming of Bob Dylan.
All past relationship crashes cease to exist and neuroses temporarily go out the window, all in the face of this new person who holds all the promise of fulfilling your hopes for a happy future. The salad days, as in, the fresh, delicious treat at the beginning of the meal, when you still believe that the forthcoming main course will be the best thing there is. Sounds great, right? Oh yeah, and when you’re in the thick of it, every single time, you’ll believe it’s always going to be like that.
Okay. Reality time.
The salad days don’t last. They don’t last because they can’t. It’s an inherently fleeting thing. I think everyone gets a sadness and nostalgia when that moment hits where they realize that they aren’t a big ball of love every second their significant other is around. Not that there isn’t still plenty of love, it’s just…commonplace. A little.
That sadness is natural, and we’d all be crazy not to look back at the first moments with complete affection. But there is a line between having a caring memory of your romantic beginnings and letting that fondness create a sense of longing and letdown that prevents you from feeling satisfied with where you are as a couple currently.
Like everything, relationships are all about perception. The perspective from which you look at the end of the beginning has a direct correlation to what happens after that. As you move into the next stage of your relationship, will you choose to view things as complacent and boring or comfortable and secure? Is it the end of the salad days or the first few delicious bites of the main course?
Obviously, deciding to view things from the latter point is the healthiest way to progress your relationship. Some of the most successful couples I know are that way because they continued (and continue…salad days fallout isn’t the last time a love will be tested before all is said and done) to look at their present and their future with excitement, rather than lamenting the loss of how things were.
While you might miss the days when everything was shiny and new, the next stage is the one where you get to learn all the little things. All the things that are embarrassing, and secret and silly…things they didn’t want to show you when they were still trying to look put-together and charming during the salad days. And that stuff is hilarious. What’s more, learning that real stuff and having a little time and even a small amount of relationship history behind you? Well, that’s what builds the foundation of your future together. If that’s not exciting, I don’t know what is.
