If you're at Datepad scouring internet dating profiles for the perfect man or woman, you probably imagine a certain kind of future. Love, a shared life, and a home together. But did you know that millions and millions of American couples have love and a shared life…without sharing a home? It may sound strange (especially if you're using internet dating to find somebody to share everything with), but "living apart together" (or LAT) is becoming a national phenomenon. And a lot of couples are making the decision to do it.
In 2006, there were 3.8 million couples who, while married, didn't live under the same roof. And that number is growing all the time. But why do people choose to "live apart together"? What about this alternate lifestyle is so appealing that more and more couples --even couples with kids-- are choosing to live this way?
Personal Preference
One major reason why many married couples reside in separate homes is simply personal preference. Especially with couples who meet later on in life, sometimes one or both partners has an established way of doing things that he or she isn't willing to change. So while they're willing to commit to another person for life, they're not willing to give up the freedom, space, and independence that separate living gives them.
Work
While there are plenty of living apart together couples who have embraced the lifestyle simply because they want their own space, there are many more who are obliged to live this way because of work commitments. Oftentimes, one person will work in another city (or even in another state) that is too far away for a daily commute. When that person's husband or wife cannot or will not relocate, it often requires the two members of a marriage to live apart.
Children
When one of both parties in a marriage have children when they meet, it can be difficult to smoothly combine their lives. Some couples with children from previous marriages try to smooth the transition --and disrupt their children's lives as little as possible-- by living apart together with their new spouse. This is especially common when one person has a job that requires a lot of travel.
One couple I know, Chris and Jan, spend half of the year apart in order to shelter their kids from the stress of constant moves, as Chris's job requires him to move to a new city (and, often, a new country) every year or two. Jan alternates where she lives, staying three months with her parents and her teenage children in Idaho, followed by three months with Chris in an exotic new city. And they say it works beautifully.
Property
While it may sound a little cold to the most romantic of us, many people choose this lifestyle for investment reasons. This happens a lot in cities like New York, where inexpensive apartments are like rare jewels. If one person has a piece of property he or she would he unwise to give up, it can often lead to a LAT situation.
While living apart together may seem like a strange (or even an unacceptable) lifestyle to some, there has been a lot of talk recently about the benefits of living this way. LAT couples claim that their lifestyle lends a spark and romance to their marriage that most traditional couples don't enjoy, and that spending time apart is a great way to increase their enjoyment of time together. But no matter how you feel about the concept of living separately from your husband or wife, you have to admit... there's a certain appeal to the idea of not having to share a bathroom!
