I knew we would kiss at some point, moments after I laid eyes on him. Tall, strikingly handsome and self assured, he greeted me with a "Wow!" Wearing a crisply-pressed pale pink shirt and a fresh white smile, he looked like he stepped right out of a five star resort in the Bahamas. Completing his look was a light tan making his baby blues even bluer. The chemistry was definitely there. My concerns about the restaurant staff tagging me as a regular “meeter and greeter” there, flew out the window as he graciously held open the heavy wood door, gently placing his hand on the small of my back to usher me in. All eyes were on our table while we laughed a bit too loudly and we nibbled on delicious tapas. We couldn’t take our eyes off each other and our playful teasing was interspersed with the exciting banter of newfound commonalities. The thought that this might be that elusive combination of pheromones and compatibility that I had been searching for was almost too much to bear. Already, with the second date plans sealed, we hugged and said our farewells until the next time. I could hardly wait.
I loved how he cut the tomatoes into juicy chunks with hardly a concern about uniformity. The perfectly chilled wine complimented the oak flavours of the cheese served on thin dried slices of bread. "Here. Put lots of cracked pepper on it." He handed me the mill and I did my part while I chattered about the Peugeot brand grinder. Feeling spoiled and a bit tipsy I let my head fall on the back of the overstuffed lounge chair feeling the sunshine kiss my face. I listened to tales of his rise in the entrepreneurial world as he pulled my chair parallel to his, our legs brushing together lightly. The food, the wine, the romance; could it get any better?
Back in the kitchen I replenished our food platter as he filled my near empty glass. I giggled and our eyes met. I don't even recall him taking the wine from me and placing it on the counter as I was preparing myself for his long over-due lips on mine. It was a beautiful kiss, softer at first, and I felt the warmth of his breathe sooth me as my eyes fluttered shut. Wrapping an arm around me he pulled me closer. Putting his other hand on the front of my neck, still gently kissing me, our lips met in a dance of flirtation. It was when his touch turned to a grip that my instincts took over and I felt that I could be in trouble.
It only seemed like seconds. I remember his hand moving up to my throat and tightening around my long slender neck. His kiss turned to a smother as the excitement in him quickly escalated and I struggled to breath. I could feel the air leaving me; the room starting to spin. My date was choking me. Was he going to kill me? When my fear brought an adrenaline rush, he must have seen it in my eyes, he calmly let go of me just as I started to panic.
He had changed his mind.
I made the conscious decision to exit as quickly and gracefully as possible; thankful that I escaped a potentially dangerous situation. On the drive home I asked myself some serious questions about how this could happen and what my part in it was, if any. I did accept, at the start of our second date, an invitation for a pre-dinner drink at his place, somewhat pre-maturely. I didn't know this guy from Jack and it was a stupid decision. He could have chosen any time to surprise me with that death-grip. It might have happened on date eight, exactly the same way. One can only hope that kinks and fetishes would be approached in an appropriate manner; hopefully after some time has passed in a relationship and trust has been built. I would be happy for this one to never surface. If a guy is going to pick and choose his victims I don’t want to play. In my case, it appeared to me, part of his thrill came from the surprise factor.
I was curious so I researched it for more information.
Many of us have probably heard the buzz about boys being found dead by hanging while masturbating; and to think I was worried about wearing clean panties in case I ended up in the emergency ward of a hospital. Young boys turn into older boys who then have a partner to play this dangerous game with. It’s called Erotic Asphyxiation and Auto Erotic Asphyxiation and are known as part of a psychiatric disorder called Paraphilia. It is practiced as a way to heighten sexual gratification during masturbation using self-applied suffocation methods that cut off the blood supply to the brain. Considered to be the most dangerous of sexual acts it can quickly result in death or permanent brain damage as well as other serious injuries involving the esophagus, carotid artery and larynx. Was I lucky or what! Referred to as breath play or edge play, it is a recognized sexual activity in the BDSM community (where safe rules and consenting partner rules apply) and sometimes involves a partner. There is a belief it came from the day when public hangings were common and the victims had erections as their air supply was cut off. Some would actually orgasm. And were the men watching also aroused. I can hear it now; men chatting amongst themselves that this was not a bad way to go.
Many deaths in the entertainment business have been attributed to Auto Erotic Asphyxiation although publicly announced as a suicide. Rocker and lead singer Michael Hutchence of the band INXS is said to have died this way in 1997 and there have been many others. It is estimated that upwards of 1000 deaths a year in the United States should not have happened, if these people stopped being a dope and dropped the rope. I just don’t get it. But I don’t get base-jumping either.
The more I read the more it frightened me and realizing how I unwillingly became a part of something so risky, shocked and disturbed me. For me, I did recognize that my boundary was crossed, my safety clearly put at risk and I was lucky that he complied in stopping, thankfully. I had second thoughts about having put ``playful`` in my dating profile. Here was a situation that required quick thinking and awareness and trust me, it’s difficult to be cognizant when your brain cells are screaming oxygen and your lips are that sick greyish color of blue.
I started out thinking I was writing an article about good kisses and bad kisses and ended up with some serious information I felt was crucial to share. Hopefully a life or two might be spared by more awareness of what some refer to as an “acceptable activity” by some. So people, Be Aware! Stay sharp and make careful choices of where you will and will not go with a date you know so little about.
All I can say for myself is "Lesson Learned".
