I would never have imagined he would ask me to meet him here let alone agree to it.
That caught me off guard but I quickly convinced myself that maybe this man, that I so much enjoyed conversation with on the phone, had a unique surprise up his sleeve...perhaps a bouquet from the florist around the corner or a small gift to celebrate our meeting? Always the eternal optimist.
Feeling somewhat self conscious, I usually disliked "searching around" for the face from the photo on that first date. Guys would tip me off that they would be wearing jeans ...as if that would make them stand out in a crowd. Come on! Fine dining here requires a jacket and your hottest pair of freshly pressed jeans. Besides, I trusted that my date will be the spitting image of his picture (or better) so it didn't matter what colour his shirt was or if he was carrying a collapsible umbrella.
The mall was strangely quiet during dinner hour. From a distance I noticed a lone man looking terrified and meek, leaning against a pole a ways down the hall. Yikes! Could this be him? He was wearing a dark short-sleeved T, clearly meant to showcase his too obvious steroid enhanced arms. His cropped jet black hair darkened his overly salon-tanned skin even more but didn't hide the drug induced acne that smothered the right side of his face and neck.
I wasn't impressed. It had to be him because there wasn't another person in site. What happened to the handsome guy with piercing dark eyes, a mop of startling silver hair and an adorable Chiclet's grin smiling back at me from his photos? He glared at me in a peculiar way which I later understood to be "the fear of being busted". What was most remarkable was the fact that I continued towards him.
"Bob?" A pathetic "Hi" was all he could mutter.
Not a word about his talent for morphing. Nothing!
Without any eye contact he suggested a walk through the mall. I knew this date would go down in history. My curiosity was eating away while we walked. I had no idea what to expect and I think that neither did he. So we walked...we walked through the Asian market and looked at the grotesque fish in cramped tanks awaiting their final destiny. We walked and we walked...past a geriatric crowd making their mighty rounds with concerted effort, right by the florist shop, a hair stylist boutique (god knows I was dying to just drop him off there), and we walked into a lounge across the street. Over drinks I seriously contemplated suicide while he methodically picked at his acne. After a quick drink and little conversation I had decided the night couldn't have been worse... or so I thought. As we approached our cars I was frantically thinking of an excuse to bolt. The date went from bad to worse to him sobbing in the parking lot after hearing the news. I really felt badly for this guy but I had no choice. Nobody told me that this guy was letting me know exactly who he was . Here I was making endless excuses for him. I finally figured it out. I had to dump him but I knew he would be fine. I took comfort in the fact that he would find that perfect mate. In your profile represent yourself accurately. Put up a recent picture even though you may be 20 lbs heavier than you were in high school. Then you will find someone who actually wants to date you for who your are and not who you were. And what better match is there than that.
Is there actually... could there possibly be an easier way to tell someone they don't ring your bell?
Even though statistics show that 48% of online daters break up using email, saying goodbye, whether it's the end of a long term relationship or a polite exit after the first few meetings, is best dealt with in a sincere, empathetic and to the point manner. It is a difficult task even if your heart wasn't in it.
A face-to face meeting can help clear up any misunderstandings on the spot as opposed to writing an email which the other person is left to interpret. You know how that can go.
Be sensitive with your timing. Is the receiver of the break-up news celebrating something or dealing with a crisis of some sort? Are you choosing a neutral private setting that will allow for more of a feeling of comfort as well as provide a simple way of leaving if either party so desires?
The first few sentences are the tough ones to get out. Go over them in your mind before you deliver the blow. "There is no easy way to tell you this" or "As much as I have enjoyed our time together I need to be true to myself and to you about how I am feeling." Expressing some positive feedback will definitely help to ease the hurt and enable the person to really hear that this relationship isn't right for you.
Allow the rest to flow naturally while keeping in mind that an abrupt lead in and sharp tone could breed bad feelings and put the other on the defensive. Speak calmly, keep it simple and be prepared...you might be on the receiving end of their reaction. This is the uncomfortable part and best handled by listening and not responding. The worst thing is to get drawn into a war of words. I have encountered times when the other is pleading for you to give them another chance. This is the time to say "It sounds like you are hurt and/or disappointed and I am sorry for that. I wish it would have worked out too."
Afterwards you can take a deep breathe and feel the relief. It's done. You can be proud of yourself that you accomplished it with sincerity and at the same time you stayed true to yourself.
Oldedog
52 / Male
Comments: 9
Posted on February 16, 2008, 5:20 am
Critics of internet dating say the biggest flaw with dating through the net, rather than traditional methods, is that someone can put up a picture that is not of them. Let's face it, sooner or later, when you meet the right one and want to physically get together, the person you have really let down...is yourself!
Roses4mysoul
68 / Female
Comments: 21
Posted on February 4, 2009, 5:31 pm
This article is really about two different subjects. One is the guy with the photo that doesn't look like him. The other subject is how to break up with someone you met on the internet. If you've just met someone for a first meeting/date, and you decide not to see them again, you aren't exactly "breaking up". There was no bond to break.
