On the show "The Office", one of the recurring storylines throughout the show’s history revolves around the characters Jim and Pam. Pam is the receptionist and Jim is a salesman. If you’ve seen the show, you’re familiar with the back-and-forth flirtation (everyone who joins an internet dating service can relate!) between the two of them that has eventually resulted in a relationship, a pregnancy and an engagement.
You would also then be familiar with the fact that the office where they work is small, tight-knit and rife with gossip. Granted, this is a TV show, so it’s a hilarious, somewhat idealized version of how this kind of situation goes in real life. But it does show a lot of the common pitfalls of inter-office romance: everyone wants to put in their two cents, it can distract from doing one’s job with total attention, and so on.
I would never say to not engage in an office fling, unless you have shady motives like wanting to sleep your way to a promotion. When love (or even just great sex) finds you, you shouldn’t kick it to the curb based on circumstances, at least not ones so benign as working together. Because there are ways to make it work and to handle your personal business in such a way as to not interfere with your professional life. A few rules for the road:
Be discreet
There’s nothing good about putting your sex life on the table for all to see in a closed microcosm like an office. Gossip runs rampant in environments like these. Not only might it tarnish your reputation and make you seem unprofessional, but opening up a new relationship to the input of everyone around the two of you is a fast way to muddle something that should be as simple and fun as possible.
Be clear with each other
This is important when you start dating / sleeping with anyone new. You want to make sure that you’re both on the same page as far as what your expectations are; are you exclusive? Is this the beginning of something real or just a fun fling? Mixed signals and misunderstandings can lead to tension, fights and resentment.
And depending on how mature you both are about handling things like that, having someone you had a back breakup with hanging around everyday can be a really uncomfortable situation. If you’re going to be involved with a co-worker, play your cards carefully so as to not end up having to have daily interactions with someone you can’t get along with.
Try to keep it professional at work
Once you get past the very beginning flirtatious stages and things actually begin to start happening outside the confines of the office walls, it’s best to leave them there. You don’t want to sacrifice your professional savvy for the sake of running off to the break room every 20 minutes for a sneaky make-out session with your new sweetie.
When word does get out…
…don’t be defensive. If you act like you’ve done something wrong, that’s how it will look. When the other people you work with find out about your extracurricular escapades (and trust this, they will find out eventually), calmly tell them only as much as you’re comfortable with, even if it's that you’d rather keep your private life private. You have no obligation to feed to rumor mills. Your bedroom is your business.
Tell your boss at some point
The one person you should be straightforward with is your boss. Once you and your new sexy time partner have decided that whatever you have is more than a passing thing, you should go together to your superior(s) and tell them that yes, you are dating. Being proactive and reassuring them that you are as committed as always to doing a great job will go a long way towards garnering respect, both for you two as employees and for your relationship.
