Twilight
So, I haven’t seen either of the Twilight movies thus far and, meh, I’m not sure I’m going to. It’s not because I don’t dig on the vampire thing. I do. I totally do. Vampires are unequivocally sexy, with all that darkness and biting and whatnot. I love that stuff.
But here’s the difference: I like my vampires to be super powerful and strong and wise even…I want them to be lots of things. What I absolutely have no interest in my vampires being? Um, moody, angsty, sparkly, daylight-friendly and generally emo.
Seriously, what the hell, Twilight? Oh and then on top of that heap of gross, they want me to get on board with some chick who does like a vampire who is like that? Who will let me threaten, damage, scare and reject her and keep on comin’ back for more? Sorry, movie folks but that whole “he hits me because he loves me thing” didn’t work for Ike and Tina and it doesn’t work for Vampout and What’s-Her-Face.
Tiger Woods
Apparently, Tiger Woods’ wife went all “oh no, you DITTEN!” on his ass recently about being too giving with his sex times, scratched up his face and made him haul booty away from their house so fast that he car-bumped something. Um, I’m waiting for the part that’s supposed to interest me.
Tiger Woods? Nope. He hasn’t been interesting since he was a super young amazing golf ingénue. Now he’s just another awesome golfer. Snooze. C-list celebrity cheating? Definitely not holding my attention. Oh! A fender bender! Wait, nope. Also boring. Yeah, we need something better to talk about now.
Carrie Prejean and her sex tapes
Oh dear god, Carrie Prejean, get your story straight: you’re either a Christian good girl beauty queen thing or you’re a camera whore. I mean, come on, pick a side. Stop blabbing about not being able to find any place in the Bible that prohibits a boob job.
Seriously, girl, you know Mary Magdalene would’ve been all up in that if they had existed back then. But I digress; the point is, some dumb bimbo who tries to sell herself as wholesome get a shiny piece of head jewelry but turns out to have a billion sex tapes is not only sadly predictable, but she’s not even hot enough to want to watch her on the sex tapes.
