If you say you've never been tempted to snoop around in your partner's things, you're lying. Heck, even if you say you've thought about it and never actually done it, you're still probably lying. Why? Because there's something terribly tempting about learning your partner's secrets, and almost everybody has done it at one point in their lives. Even if you don't have any suspicions or bad feelings about what your partner may be doing, simply getting a peek into his or her secret life can be a bit of a thrill.
Especially if you're insecure in your relationship (or insecure in general), snooping might seem like a natural option-- particularly if you don't feel like your partner is very open about his or her feelings. And with so many things to snoop into, like social networking or internet dating profiles, Blackberrys, email accounts, voice mail, etc., snooping has never been easier. But that still doesn't make it okay.
Why You Should Skip Snooping
There are very few good excuses for snooping; even when you suspect your partner of cheating on you or keeping something important from you, a straightforward approach is almost always the right one. Don't snoop... simply ask him or her about it.
There are, however, many reasons why snooping is not a good idea. For one, it can tend to take the place of real communication and intimacy in a relationship-- two things that are crucial to its long-term success. Plus, when your partner trusts you enough to give you access to things like his or her email, etc., snooping is a violation of that trust. It creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship; you know you're doing wrong, and oftentimes your partner can sense that something's off, as well.
Snooping can also have some ill effects in a very practical way: even if it's not the thing you were looking for, you almost always find out something about your partner that you wish you hadn't. From an interest in kinky porn to a lifetime collection of pubic hair trimmings, people keep weird stuff in their homes (and on their computers). However, unless they choose to share it with you, that stuff is really none of your business... and you'll often wish you never found out about it, as knowing these sorts of things can color the way you look at your partner. All in all, the whole thing is unhealthy for your relationship.
Why You Should Stoop to Snooping
Okay, so you acknowledge that snooping through your partner's things is wrong and harmful to your relationship. But if you truly suspect your partner of wrongdoing --and perhaps have confronted him or her with questions-- it may seem like a good idea to confirm your suspicions before making any decisions about the relationship. While I still think this is an unhealthy way to work out your issues with your partner, I do understand the need to know; if you can't get straight answers from the person you're dating, it makes a certain amount of sense that you would look for them elsewhere.
If you do decide to snoop, however, be prepared that you may have your suspicions proved correct. So move forward with extreme caution.
After You've Snooped
Sometimes you snoop because you truly suspect that your partner is cheating. But sometimes you snoop for other reasons. If you've found yourself snooping through your partner's belongings or accounts, it generally means that you need to ask yourself some very important questions about your relationship. Are you snooping because you don't trust your partner, or because you feel insecure about his or her feelings for you? Are you trying, by snooping, to avoid real intimacy and sharing your concerns with your partner?
The truth is, no matter why you do it, snooping is a bad sign for your relationship-- it means that you're not on as clear a track as you hoped. So next time you're tempted to snoop, take the time to truly evaluate your motivations. Your may find that your desire to snoop is more about you than it is about your partner... and that the dubious rewards just don't justify the damage it can do to your relationship.
Screenname12345
31 / Male
Comments: 12
Posted on May 29, 2009, 3:56 pm
If anybody ever snooped around for information on me, like looking for girls phone numbers and stuff like that, not that i would do such a thing, but that shows a lot of ignorance and no trust towards that person, guys can do it as well, but thats not good to think that way, we start a relationship on trust and loyalty, and to do something like that is just wrong.
Posted on May 30, 2009, 8:11 am
I agree completely, screen123! People are always going to snoop. But it's never the best option. And snoopers need to remember: just because your partner has nothing to hide (which is often the case) doesn't mean he or she will be okay with your snooping.
Screenname12345
31 / Male
Comments: 12
Posted on May 31, 2009, 11:43 am
There is always that little spot in everybody's mind that will always be curious, but sometimes curiosity can be more hurtful then anyone would think, sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to see if snooping is really the right think to do, but if you trust your partner, i think a confrontation would be more aceptable in those situations, and if whomever is being confronted about something, they should be very honest and tell the truth, a lie will travel half way around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. i love that quote, not sure who wrote it. fell free to comment back karenlyn.
