Published in Top 10     3 comments – join the discussion!

You may like vanilla. You may like it rough. That’s nothing compared to the mating habits found in the animal kingdom!

#10 – Where's that rewind button?

The Captive Giant Panda

Like some men I’ve known, captive male giant pandas are notoriously slow on the uptake as it relates to sex. In order to speed up the process, officials at the China Giant Panda Breeding and Research Center in Wolong have a very special sixth birthday present for the males; videos of giant pandas having sex. The response is said to be encouraging.

#9 – I'd rather have a box of chocolates

Snails

Snails are hermaphrodites. Each snail contains both male and female sex characteristics, but Mother Nature did not take all the fun out of reproduction. Prior to mating, roman snails often apply “love darts” to each other. The dart injects a secretion intended to excite and improve the reproductive odds of the partners, and to determine whether or not the two potential lovers are of the same species.

#8 – Off with his head

The Praying Mantis

The female praying mantis often bites off her partner’s head during mating.

Male Praying Mantis: Nice ass, Jennifer
Female Praying Mantis: My name is Angelina
Male Praying Mantis: ?????????????
Female Praying Mantis: Tastes like chicken

#7 – Hold the cheeseburger!

California Sea Lions

Voyeurs at heart, young California sea lions love to observe older males having sex. All that sitting around and watching becomes a memory once he hits adulthood. During the mating season, he sticks to his territory and fasts, enabling him to mate with an average of 16 females a season, one after the other. So many women, so little time.

#6 – A Portable Fit

Bee's

The female bee’s "vagina" is so tight that during mating, the male’s penis will literally snap off leading him to bleed to death! The snapped off shaft acts as a vaginal plug until the female lays her eggs. You’ve gotta love a guy who’ll go the distance.

#5 – March of the Penguins

The Emperor Penguin

Pity the poor Emperor Penguin! The actual mating process lasts only two to three minutes! And they only get to do it once a year. No wonder they do so much walking.

#4 – So that’s what "Flipper" means

The Dolphin

Dolphins have ravenous sexual appetites, mating many times in one day. If you think that makes the dolphin a stud, he’s really more like a dud, each mating session lasts no longer than 12 seconds. To add to the attraction, a dolphin’s penis is both retractable (the flaccid penis is located inside the body and appears on demand) and prehensile (it swivels). You’ve got to love a guy with a "multipurpose" appendage.

#3 – These Kids will be the Death of Me

The Octopus

When octopuses mate, their sex organs don’t contact each other. The male uses one of his tentacles to transfer ejaculate to the female’s sex organ. The female octopus does not eat while she is spawning and brooding, and dies once her eggs have hatched. Motherhood really is a thankless job.

#2 – Size Does Matter

The Galapagos Turtle

When Galapagos Turtles compete for a female, they rise on their legs and stretch their necks. The male with the longest neck wins and the loser is left to hump rocks. It can take up to 40 years for males to reach sexual maturity; no wonder the loser is so frustrated!

#1 – Mini Me

The Whiptail Lizard

Since all whiptail lizards are female, these creatures clone themselves! To stimulate egg production in both females, they will engage in pseudo sex (and who hasn’t??) whereby one lizard lies on top of another. The lizard on the bottom will lay larger eggs than the one on top. To add a bit of spice, they will switch roles next mating season.

Bookmark & Share

Comments

Read what people are saying.

1

Hot-Flash

Posted on June 10, 2008, 11:23 am

"left to hump rocks" HAHAHAHAHA. Thanks for the good laugh.

2

CapnCrunch

Posted on June 11, 2008, 11:54 am

Please don't come back as a bee in the next life...please don't come back as a bee in the next life...please don't come back as a bee in the next life!!!

3

ConfusedTuna

Posted on June 16, 2008, 4:28 pm

These are hilarious! Thanks for the article.

You must be logged in to comment on this article.

Why don’t you login or become a member?