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Top Considerations when Dating a Single Parent
by Chloe ◊ September 16, 2008

While some people envision themselves being childless forever, most of us like the idea of having a family. Most people would like to have kids one day, and live their own version of the picket-fence lifestyle. And for the most part, I would guess that we imagine our story in more or less the same way: we meet somebody special and fall in love. We get married and get to spend some time canoodling before having kids.
Then the kids come along and we live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, relationships always don't work out that way. For plenty of couples, their "happily ever after" ends in divorce, and the kids end up with two single parents instead of a united family. Single parent dating is a lot more complicated than dating can be for childless singles... and if you're dating a single parent for the first time, the possibility of taking on a ready-made family can be a pretty daunting concept.
But dating a single parent can have a lot of rewards. It's just important to look over every aspect of the situation, and know what you're getting into before you commit.
Consider You First
This sounds a little selfish, but it's important. When you start dating somebody and are in the early stages of a relationship, there's only a short time in which you can break things off without doing much damage. So before things get too serious, it's important to spend some real time thinking about how this situation affects you-- and how it fits into your future.
Ask yourself some very important questions about what you're willing to do, and what you are willing to sacrifice. Are you prepared to have children in your life in the near future? Do you mind the idea of taking on the extra responsibility?
The answer to these sorts of questions isn't always clear. And if your only answer is "maybe" or "I don't know," you may find yourself pleasantly surprised at how well a relationship with this "ready made family" turns out if you give it a chance. But if you hear a resounding "no" when you ask yourself this important question, it means you need to get out. Because even if you really like the person you're dating, staying with them when you know your futures don't mesh is both selfish and irresponsible.
Expect to Come Second
All done being selfish and thinking only about how this situation affects you? Good. Now you need to come to terms with the idea that you will never be number one in your new partner's life-- no matter how well things work out. Because for most parents, that place belongs to their kids, who are their first and most important responsibility.
The close ties between a family are not going to change just because you've decided to be a part of it. So you should not expect to receive the same kind of attention and devotion that you'd get at the beginning of a childless relationship... because you'll probably be disappointed.
If any of this sounds negative, the truth is that it's not. As strong, independent adults, we don't really need to be anybody's number one priority. Right? And remember, just because you're dating a single parent doesn't mean your partner doesn't have just as much love to give you as a childless partner would. He or she just has some very important priorities that they will always have to consider first.
It's true that dating a single parent is a more complicated and serious business than dating somebody without a child. But it can also be incredibly rewarding. So while the idea of single parent dating can be a little daunting, if you look within yourself and see room for kids in you life... go for it! Kids are a blast to be with, and all of that added responsibility comes with added fun, too.



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